


healing the wounds of the past

by hitokaaaa



Category: Naruto
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Time Travel, Angst, Aromantic Characters, Asexual Characters, Baby Badasses, F/F, F/M, Families of Choice, Fix-It, Fluff, Fuuinjutsu Master Uzumaki Naruto, M/M, Multi, No Uchiha Massacre, Out of Character, Slow Burn, Swearing, Team Bonding, Time Travel, Time Travel Fix-It
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-01-01
Updated: 2018-03-18
Packaged: 2019-02-26 02:58:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 15
Words: 21,314
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13226700
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hitokaaaa/pseuds/hitokaaaa
Summary: “You're atime traveler?"





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> chapters 1-15 were edited and reposted 11/19/18; posting should resume around march or april 2019 — i’m so sorry for the long wait!!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I FINISHED EDITING FINALLY!!!!

Sasuke and Naruto have known each other for what felt like forever. Basically forever! Not that anyone really understood, of course. Many people hated Naruto, and a lot of them hated Sasuke just because of the clan he was born to. A lot of the Uchiha didn’t approve of the friendship, either. It started rumors, spread lies, shoved their clan’s reputation deeper down that hole of utter hatred.

  
When they first met, Naruto was being kicked out of a store. Physically kicked, actually, despite the fact he was _five_.   
  
So Sasuke, being the kind young boy that he was, walked over and helped Naruto up.   
  
"Are you okay? What happened?" Sasuke asked, looking the boy over for injuries. Naruto blinks and shakes his head.

 

"’m used to it, don’t worry!"  
  
Sasuke pouts. "That's not okay, stupid! You shouldn't be used to that! What did you do to deserve being kicked out of that store?"  
  
Naruto shrugs and scratches the back of his neck.  
  
"You don't know why?" Sasuke was getting angrier—and not at Naruto.  
  
"People . . . just don't like me. I've never actually been in most of the stores 'cause no one lets me. But that's okay! The genin or chūnin guards buy things for me if I ask and promise to go to bed early."  
  
Sasuke puffs up his little cheeks at that. He grabs Naruto's hand and starts walking, "You're coming with me for dinner, okay? My mom won't mind. My dad might, but he won't say anything until he knows if it's okay with my mom or not."  
  
"What? No, it's fine! I was just gonna go—"  
  
"No arguing, and that is that."  
  
  
  
In the end, Sasuke’s family was actually okay with Naruto coming over. His dad seemed content—pleased, even. His mother nearly broke a plate when she learned how the two met. She mentioned going to the Hokage, for whatever reason.  
  
Sasuke learned the next day that Naruto was in his class at the academy. He decided to help Naruto with what he didn't understand. It didn't help much but he got a passing grade on his test the next week! Despite the low grade, Naruto was ecstatic! He normally just failed! He forced Sasuke to go out to eat ramen with him in celebration. The old man who owned the ramen stand—Sasuke learned his name was Teuchi and his daughter, Ayame—gave Naruto free ramen when he was shown the passing test. Teuchi seemed happy that Naruto gained a new friend. Sasuke wondered if he was always this nice to Naruto.  
  
He hoped he was.  
  
  
  
"Naruto!" Sasuke slammed his hands on the blond's desk, standing in front of it with a small smile. Naruto jumped.  
  
"What? What? Somethin happen?" Naruto couldn't help but grin back at the Uchiha.  
  
"My brother's back from his mission and my cousin's coming over for dinner, so you should too. Can you? Please? Will the guards be upset if you do?"  
  
"What? Of course I'll come, don't be stupid. I’ve always wanted to meet your brother, since I was like four, especially if he's as cool as you say he is. I don't really care about the guards. They can do whatever they want, you'll help me beat them up if they do anything bad!"  
  
"Obviously, idiot." Sasuke ruffles Naruto’s hair. "If they hurt you, my mom would start a fucking riot.”

  
Naruto's face lights up immediately. Sasuke smiles.  
  
Who'd want to hurt a cute idiot like this kid?  
  
  
  
Itachi, later that day, was an overwhelming mixture of confusion and contentment about Sasuke's newfound friend.  
  
Especially when Naruto first meets him.  
  
"'Tachi's one of my guards, y'know." He heard the blond say to Sasuke in the dining room a few minutes after meeting Itachi.  
  
Needless to say, his mother hears too. She tries and fails to hide her laughter.  
  
"That kid's amazing. Reminds me of his parents."  
  
Itachi, only somewhat confused, stares at her.  
  
Shisui shakes his head, "He probably shouldn't know about the higher ranked guards, seeing as the jounin and ANBU guards are the stealthiest shinobi in the village. I hope nobody finds out. They might try to test him and make him graduate. Which would be bad, 'cause he should stay a kid for the next several years. Hopefully, until he's at least twelve."  
  
"Is that even possible for him?" Itachi asks, frowning. "Last week some rich civilian kid broke into his apartment and tried to steal his food and money. I had to stop him and return everything."  
  
Shisui sighs. "That's terrible. We should teach him some fuinjutsu and help him set up seals around his apartment so nobody can get in."  
  
"That's a good idea."  
  
The kitchen goes quiet again, nothing but the sounds of food cooking and kids talking coming from the other room.  
  
"I think your cousin's one of my old guards."  
  
Shisui drops a spoon onto the counter and covers his face with his hands. "Damn this kid straight to hell!"  
  
"Thought you wanted him to stay a kid?"  
  
"Shut up, Itachi, you're like eleven!"  
  
Itachi shrugs. “I mean . . . yeah.”  
  
  
  
Naruto squints his eyes at the tomato salad Sasuke forced onto his plate. He looks up at Sasuke. "Are these tomatoes?"  
  
Sasuke nods, "It's tomato salad, I made it."  
  
Naruto grins. "I'll eat it then! Your mom's a good cook but I bet you're even better 'cause you're cool like that."  
  
Sasuke chokes on his breath. "Just eat, idiot! It’s not that deep!" Sasuke shoved Naruto's head forward in his embarrassment, causing the Uzumaki's grin to widen and his cheeks to darken.  
  
  
  
One day, when Sasuke wakes up, he hears his parents speaking. They say a name, they say a word, and his tense shoulders drop immediately. He lets out a relieved sigh.

 

He’s finally dead, and nobody suspected a thing from him.

 

After all, who would accuse a five year old student of poisoning an S-rank shinobi?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> edited: 11/19/18


	2. Chapter 2

A few weeks after the murder of Shimura Danzo, Itachi is called into the Hokage’s office. When he comes out, he comes out a jōnin. Not a chūnin ANBU member, no, a regular jōnin.

 

Nobody mentions the sudden rank changed after his removal from ANBU.

  
  
  


“Why are ANBU members well-known? Aren’t their identities supposed to be private, instead of like . . . like, everyone knew Itachi was ANBU, why?” Naruto asks the very next day.

 

“Their . . .  _ membership  _ isn’t private, but their masked identities are. You aren’t allowed to know the mask they wear, even if you know the person. Every time a member’s face is revealed under their masks, they have to get a new mask,” Sasuke answers.

 

Naruto doesn’t question his knowledge. Doesn’t ask where he learned all of this, even though he knows Itachi would never tell him.

 

He just trusts Sasuke’s word and moves onto a new topic.   


  
  
By the time the two are taking their graduation exams, Naruto is passing tests and things regularly. He’s still only points ahead of Shikamaru, but it makes a difference. It makes a big difference. The teachers are slightly less wary around Naruto, less likely to refuse teaching him—although those may be due to the Hokage’s annulment of the Kyuubi law, removed upon Naruto’s admittance that he knew about the fox. Actually, any change in his treatment is more than likely due to the law’s death.

 

Sasuke thinks it’s a good thing, but Naruto feels uncomfortable with the sudden lack of attention. Of course, the attention was never good, but it was always there. It was one of those constants, the few constants that he ever had.

 

And now it’s gone. And now the only people who seem to pay any attention to him are Sasuke and his mom. Even the ANBU have stopped coming by so much.

 

He knows it’s ridiculous but . . . he just feels so alone.

  
  


 

Naruto just barely passes the graduation exam—stupid clone jutsu, but at least he passed. He and Sasuke end up on the same team.   
  


  
"Oi, dumbass, what are you doing?"  
  
Neither Sasuke or Naruto cares enough for the pink-haired girl to notice her being in the room. Well, Sasuke spares her a glance, but otherwise the silent girl is left alone.  
  
"Setting up a prank 'cause our sensei's the only one late. He deserves it."  
  
"A chalkboard eraser in the door isn't a good prank. He's a jōnin, anyway, he can't get caught by something so mild."  
  
"Sasuke's right . . . “ Sakura trails off.  
  
Naruto stuck his tongue out at both the Uchiha and the Haruno. The door opens. The three children look over.  
  
There's chalk dust covering the man as well as the floor.  
  
Naruto howls with laughter, shouting, "I got him, Sasuke, I got him!"  
  
Sakura stutters, her eyes wide and posture nervous, "I-I'm so sorry sensei, Naruto just did it on his own! W-we tried to stop him!"  
  
Sasuke raises an eyebrow, "I told him the prank was too mild, actually. And you agreed."  
  
The noise Sakura makes sounds more like a dying whale than a twelve-year-old girl.  
  
The grey-haired man leans over to pick up the eraser. He hums thoughtfully.  
  
"How can I put this? My first impression? You all suck and you’re terrible shinobi."  
  
  
  
Not long after meeting their sensei, the three students ended up on the roof of the academy.  
  
"Let's see. First off, let's have the three of you introduce yourselves." The man says, sitting on the railing that surrounds the roof.  
  
Sakura frowns, "Introduce ourselves? What should we say?"  
  
The man shrugs, "Likes, dislikes, future dream, hobbies, things like that." He crosses his arms.  
  
"Hey, hey! You should tell us about yourself first! We know each other already, you probably know about us—we don’t know anything about you!" Naruto says.  
  
The man points to himself. "Me? My name's Hatake Kakashi. I don't feel like telling you guys about my likes and dislikes."  
  
Sakura and Naruto both sit up straight, confused looks on their faces. Naruto _just_ said . . .

 

"I've never really thought about any future dreams . . .  As for my hobbies, I have many."   
  
Sakura turns to face Sasuke and Naruto. "All we know is his name, then?"   
  
Naruto nods, "Yeah. What an asshole.”

  
Kakashi nods at Naruto, "Next is you guys. Let's start with you."   
  
Naruto grins, sitting up. "I'm Uzumaki Naruto! I like ramen! And Sasuke's mom, she's really nice and she makes the best ramen! My hobby, uh . . . I like training and sparring with Sasuke."   
  
Kakashi was staring at him, overwhelmingly unimpressed.   
  
"My future dream . . . " He looks over at Sasuke. "I share my future dream with Sasuke, and our dream's a secret. Sorry, 'Kashi!"   
  
Kakashi's one visible eyebrow raises for a moment, but then he looks at Sakura, "Alright, you next."   
  
Sakura smiles, "I'm Haruno Sakura! What I like . . . well, I like writing and I like taijutsu, and hidden weapons are really cool—you know, like sending in hair ornaments and vials of poison stored in bras, you know?”

 

Kakashi was visibly glowing the moment she mentioned taijutsu. "Yeah? And what about your dislikes?"   
  
Sakura immediately looks serious. "People."   
  
Kakashi's posture is suddenly even worse than they’d seen him as he stares at her. “Sadly, I have to agree. People are terrible. Next."   
  
Sasuke sits up. "My name is Uchiha Sasuke. I have lots of dislikes, but not many particular likes . . . ”

  
Sakura pouts. How boring!   
  


"What about tomatoes? And Itachi? You love tomatoes, Sasuke! And me, you like me! And your mom! She's awesome!" Naruto's shouting causes cringing from the Uchiha.   
  
"Idiot, don't interrupt me," Sasuke sighs but doesn't confirm or deny anything. "My dream . . . well, it's not so much a dream as it is a plan," he looks at Naruto, "but as Naruto said, that's a secret. And there is . . . another plan, but, well, that’s secret too." He frowns, shaking his head. "No, never mind. That's all."   
  
Kakashi's frown is hidden under his mask, but his eyebrows scrunching up isn't.   
  
After all, what the hell does this kid have two secret dreams for?

  
"Alright! The three of you are . . . interesting.” He stares at them. “We'll have a mission tomorrow."   
  
“A mission?” Sakura asks, eyes glowing.

 

“Yeah! Well, like a survival exercise,” Kakashi says. “My sensei did this with my team on our first day . . . ”

 

“Oh! That’s awesome then! I was gonna complain ‘cause, y’know, survival exercise, ew, but! If your sensei did it too it must be cool! While we were waiting for you, Iruka-sensei told us you were a super strong and awesome shinobi—well, he didn’t use that wording, but you know—and that we were super lucky to have you as our sensei, even though you’re an asshole! So this exercise must be awesome! Who was your sensei?”

 

Kakashi blinks. “My sensei? Well, my sensei was the yondaime, Naruto-kun,” he says. “ . . . Namikaze Minato. Although, I really had two. One wasn’t really official, but she definitely helped.”

 

“What was her name?” Sasuke asks.

 

“Uzu—” he freezes. “Her name was Kushina. Her last name is confidential. They wouldn’t even put the last name on the memorial stone.” His voice sounds weak. Defeated. A little bit tired.

 

Naruto frowns. “That’s terrible . . . well, when I become hokage, I’ll make them change it to have her last name! Who would take someone’s last name from them? That’s just mean.”

 

Kakashi’s mask twitches. “Thank you, Naruto. So, we’ll meet at training ground seven at six tomorrow morning—I wouldn’t eat if I were you. You’d only puke it all up.”

 

“See ya.”

 

Kakashi disappears in a cloud of smoke and leaves.

 

“Eat anyway,” Sasuke instructs. “Puking is less dangerous than having an energy failure on the battlefield, right? So why have a different mindset for a survival exercise. Iruka-sensei always told us to eat before school, especially before survival exercises.”

 

> Sakura blinks. “Okay, I will. Make sure you guys eat too! And bring your own lunch, ‘cause I bet we’ll be there a while if today tells us anything about his punctuality.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> edited: 11/19/18


	3. Chapter 3

Sasuke and Naruto get to the training ground together, and Sakura shows up about five minutes later, at exactly six a.m.   
  
They all silently wait there for about an hour before someone starts complaining. It's Naruto, of course.   
  
"Is he always gonna do this? Is he just planning to be late to everything?"   
  
Sasuke shoves his shoulder, "Shut up, idiot. He'll be here at some point. If he's not here by seven, we'll eat."   
  
"But! The bentos are for lunch!"   
  
"Eight, then."   
  
"That's no better!"   
  
"Right."

 

“How about nine or ten?” Sakura suggests. “We did all just eat breakfast . . . ”

 

“Good point. We’ll do that and eat at nine-thirty,” Sasuke agrees. Naruto nods. Sakura sighs, probably relieved to hear the two agree.

 

“Okay.”  
  
  
  
Kakashi finally shows up just after eleven, two hours after the three ate their lunches. Naruto was asleep against Sasuke's leg. Sakura was almost asleep, too. But the moment Kakashi got there, she jumped up and pointed at the guy. "You're late! Naruto, wake up!"  
  
"Ah! Huh! What's wrong?! Did somethin happen?" Naruto blinks himself awake, then stares at Kakashi. "Sasuke, Sasuke, hey. What time's it?"  
  
"Eleven."  
  
"Ah! He's late! By—um. Six hours?"  
  
"Five, actually."  
  
"Close enough!"  
  
Kakashi smiles. "Well, you see, a black cat crossed my path!"  
  
The three stare at him, unimpressed.  
  
Kakashi clears his throat. "Ahem! Anyway." He walks over to one of the three logs, setting a clock down. "Okay then! It's set for noon."  
  
The kids stare at him, each of them standing up. He pulls two bells out of a pocket in his vest. "Today's assignment is to take these bells away from me before the alarm goes off. Those who can't don't get lunch. They'll be tied to that," he points to the middle log.  
  
Everyone stares at him as he holds the bells up tauntingly.  
  
"You can use whatever you'd like. I won't try to get a bell you have back from you. If you want a bell, you must come at me with the intent to kill."  
  
Sakura shakes her head. "That's dangerous, though, sensei!"  
  
Naruto nods vigorously, "Yeah! She's right, y'know! You couldn't even evade the chalkboard eraser!"  
  
Kakashi looks at Naruto. “That so? Well, I suppose Naruto won’t be getting a bell.”  
  
Naruto frowns, dropping his arms to his sides. "I will!”

  
Sasuke hums in agreement.  
  
Kakashi ignores them, "Begin when I give the 'ready-go' signal."  
  
Naruto huffs, crossing his arms.  
  
After a few seconds of silence, Kakashi speaks. "Ready . . . start!"  
  
  
  
"Oi, asshole! Did you hear what that jerk said about me? He basically called me a loser!" Naruto complains once he meets Sasuke in a tree.  
  
"That's what you're going to be if you don't quiet down."  
  
Naruto pouts, "So mean, Sasuke-hime!"  
  
Sasuke cringes, "Don't call me that!" Naruto smiles.  
  
"Hey, now you're being loud, too, isn't that funny?"  
  
Naruto's fall from the tree was far from graceful. "Sasuke-hime! Don't push me outta the tree, asshole! Now we gotta find a new hiding place!"  
  
Kakashi stares, almost dropping his book in his surprise.  
  
"Shut the hell up, dumbass! Stop calling me that if you wanna keep living!"  
  
"But why not? It suits you so well!"  
  
"I'll kill you!"  
  
Kakashi was so distracted by their dispute that he doesn't notice Naruto grabbing a bell from him.  
  
"What the hell?"  
  
Scratch that, Naruto grabbed both bells from him.  
  
Sasuke jumps out of the tree. He and the other Naruto turn to look at Kakashi. Both grin and Sasuke suddenly turns into another Naruto. "Ha! We did it!" Both Narutos pop out of existence, water taking their place.  
  
Kakashi looks around, stopping when he sees team seven standing behind him; Sakura and Sasuke each held a bell.  
  
Kakashi blinks. Those clones . . . he could swear they were the real Naruto and Sasuke. They looked just like the two. Talked just like the two. Had the right chakra signatures, too.  
  
Did this mean Naruto could mimic other people's chakra signatures? Or were Naruto and Sasuke's signatures that similar?  
  
Are their chakra systems underdeveloped?  
  
"You three . . . " Kakashi sighs, looking at the clock.  
  
11:47  
  
"Alright! To the logs!"  
  
Wait. Did Naruto use a water clone?  
  
  
  
"You guys are a very weird bunch. I could've sworn it was Naruto who grabbed the bells . . . and yet, Sasuke and Sakura are the ones who have them. Weird, right? Maybe one of you poisoned me and I'm slowly going crazy."  
  
"So weird," Naruto nods, trying to scratch his leg while tied to the log.  
  
"Oh, and, Naruto?" Naruto looks at Kakashi. "Where'd you learn to use water clones?"  
  
Naruto frowns. "Is that even important?"  
  
"Well, I'd like to know," Kakashi smiles.  
  
"Hmm . . . Sasuke's mom gave me a scroll filled with some cool jutsu."  
  
Kakashi fights the urge to ask what else was in the scroll. He sighs, instead.  
  
"I see. Let's get back to the topic at hand. You've all passed! Congrats."  
  
The three look confused, but they accept it

  
Kakashi smiles, "It's a test of teamwork, it was meant to make you work against each other. That part didn't even phase you. You didn’t even ask why there were two bells instead of three. You worked as a team, so you all pass."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> edited: 11/19/18


	4. Chapter 4

"Naruto."   
  
"Hm?"   
  
"Naruto, pay attention to me."   
  
"I am."   
  
"Then look at me."   
  
"Sasuke, I'm busy."   
  
"What's so important you can't even look at me?"   
  
"Honestly? Lots of things. Right now I'm tryin' to keep this seal from exploding in my face."   
  
Sasuke sighs heavily. "What the hell happened to the tomatoes my mom just bought?"   
  
"Who knows? Ask Fugaku — "   
  
_ Boom _ .   
  
"Sasuke, what the hell! I'll kill you!"   
  
"Would you two stop exploding shit?! Itachi and I literally just got back from a mission and we'd like to sleep!"   
  
"Get your own house and that won't be a problem, Shisui!"   
  
"If you'd stop exploding things in the house, it won't be a problem!"   
  


 

  
Kakashi stares at the three angry genin that sat in front of him. He smiles, "Well! You guys aren't very good at avoiding exploding tags. We should work on that."   
  
"It's not our fault. We weren't allowed to be anywhere near exploding tags in the academy. Parents thought they were too dangerous for kids, so the teachers banned them!"   
  
"Sakura, calm down. What's this about being too dangerous? The academy is to train children to be shinobi — a shinobi is pretty much just a glorified murderer."   
  
Sakura stares at him incredulously. Sasuke snorts and looks away. Naruto looks at Sasuke. Kakashi looks at Naruto looking at Sasuke.   
  
Kakashi smiles again, "Let's get back to training with exploding tags!"   
  
Sasuke looks back at Kakashi. He barely notices Naruto's stares out of the corner of his eye. He glances at Naruto, raising an eyebrow as he does.   
  
Naruto looks away. "'Kashi, we'll die if we do anything else with exploding things! I almost died this morning because Sasuke hit me when I was making an exploding tag!"   
  
"You did not almost die! It was a smoke bomb, not an exploding tag! And if you weren't such a bitch, it wouldn't have happened in the first place. "   
  
Kakashi stares at them, his visible eyebrow rising. Sakura doesn't say anything, she just watches Naruto and Sasuke argue about stupid things.   
  
"Sasuke?" Kakashi asks, leaning against a tree a few feet away from the kids.   
  
"What?" Sasuke looks at the jounin, frowning.   
  
"You and Naruto live together, don't you?"   
  
Sasuke blinks, confused. "Yeah? Literally, everyone knows this. He's been officially living in my house for like, five years. But he stayed the night constantly before then, so I think technically he's been living with us for seven years."   
  
Kakashi hums curiously. "You've lived together for seven years?"   
  
"Well, we weren't officially living together for a few years," Sasuke responds.   
  
Naruto rolls his eyes at Sasuke's words. "We've lived together for a long time, yeah. What about it?"   
  
Kakashi doesn't respond at first. He just stares at the two silently for a minute.   
  
"Interesting. Has his family trained you?”

 

“Mhm.”

 

“I see. Anyway. Completely unrelated, but I'm going to go get some advice from someone who actually knows how to be a teacher. Stay here. Food's in that bag. Eat it before I get back." The man points at a plastic bag by the tree then seemingly disappears.   
  
Naruto blinks. "Why does he need — "   
  
"Don't dwell on it. Let's eat."   
  


 

  
"Kakashi, I swear to — ! I can't help your kids train right now, I have a mission in like four hours!"   
  
"Are you afraid they'll permanently damage you?"   
  
"You, of all people, passed them. It's a reasonable fear."   
  
"I was distracted and they took the bells. I'm not actually sure how smart or strong any of them are? But they're tactical, I'll give them that."   
  
"Sensei? Is it necessary to discuss us while we're right here?" Sakura asks, a frown on her face.   
  
The guy who'd been complaining looks at the guy with the scar on his face. The one with the scar raises an eyebrow.   
  
Kakashi looks at the girl. He clears his throat. "Right. The asshole is Genma, the other one's Raidou. They were the only ones I could drag away, sadly."   
  
"Couldn't you have waited a week?" Genma frowns, crossing his arms like a child.   
  
"Why? You were on a date outside of your apartment. That was your first mistake. Your second mistake was being outside. The third was actually responding to me when I found you."   
  
Both tokujō turn red. "It wasn't a date!" Genma claims.   
  
Raidou shakes his head, "We were just . . . discussing military tactics."   
  
"Is that possible with a mouth full of Genma's tongue?"   
  
Kakashi catches the kunai that flew toward his face with a smile. Genma groans, his senbon almost falling from his lips, "You're the biggest asshole I've ever met. And I don't think that's an appropriate conversation topic in front of your genin."   
  
The three adults look at the three children.   
  
Sasuke didn't seem bothered. Maybe a bit amused. Naruto had his head tilted and a curious expression on his face. Sakura was bright red with her face hidden in her hands.   
  
Raidou looks at Genma. "These poor kids."   
  
"I feel so bad for them," Genma agrees.   
  
"Why?" Naruto asks, although his tone made the word sound like a statement rather than a question.   
  
"Kakashi," the two answer in unison. Kakashi makes some sort of offended noise.   
  
"I'm offended. I'm an awesome person, I'll have you know. Just ask Gai." The men seem to think that's even worse. Kakashi sighs, "Genma and Raidou are going to watch you guys spar so I know your strengths and weaknesses before I even make an attempt at training you sh — excuse me,  _ kids _ . You know, 'cause I'm an awful teacher and these guys are better with children than I am."   
  
Sakura doesn't act like she hears any of them speaking, still covering her face.   
  
"Sasuke and Naruto first. Sakura, you can stay with us and watch until it's your turn."   
  
Sakura looks up, frowning. Naruto shares the same expression — Sasuke, too ,  but he seems more anxious than confused like the others.   
  
It's Naruto who speaks up, of course, being the key speaker of the group.   
  
But that's because he doesn't mind being impolite or incorrect. It's both a blessing and a curse, really.   
  
"Me and Sasuke? Why not Sakura? We don't have to do one-on-one, can't we do one-on-one-on-one? Isn't it kinda bad to leave her out? I thought you said we're a team and all that sappy shit? Shouldn't that count when we're sparring, too?"   
  
Genma chokes himself on his sudden laughter.   
  
He also nearly receives a kunai to the throat.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> edited: 11/18/19


	5. Chapter 5

Sasuke drops to the ground next to Sakura and Naruto. Naruto immediately leans into him, his arm around Sakura’s shoulder as he complains about the tokujō.   
  
"They're terrible, Sasuke! Really! You don't even understand just how bad they are, Sas. That was, like, almost hard enough to get on my top-fifty-hardest-things-I've-ever-done list!"   
  
Sakura frowns, "Fifty? The hell's on that list?"   
  
"Fifty things I almost couldn't deal with 'cause they were so hard. It's, uh, kinda in the title, y'know."   
  
"Ugh, I meant specific things. Honestly, you have some weird sense of difficulty if you think those guys forcing us to spar for four hours straight wasn't even in the top fifty."   
  
"Yeah, but, they didn't wanna actually hurt me. The list is for things that were hard to deal with. The lack of bad intent from them and you guys made this easier 'cause it made me not, well, panic and fail."   
  
Sakura stares at Naruto, humming in response.

  
Sasuke sighs and pokes Naruto's head lightly, "Come on, you shit, stop being stupid."   
  
Sakura was about to defend Naruto, almost upset by how ignorant Sasuke was being, but Naruto beats her to the punch.   
  


“Shut it, asshole.”

  
"You're good enough to succeed whether you panic or not."  
  
Sakura feels herself smiling involuntarily at that.  
  
Naruto grins, "Oh, aw! Sasuke, that's so cute! I knew you weren't gonna be a total asshole today!"  
  
Sasuke rolls his eyes.  
  
  
  
"Right, then. I suppose you're about average strength, maybe a little tiny bit over average, for children who've just graduated academy during Konoha's peacetime."  
  
"Sensei . . . " Sakura pouts.  
  
Sasuke and Naruto almost look relieved, somehow.  
  
"However, you're okay with evading attacks and planning strategies, which . . . It almost makes up for it, I guess. Although, Sakura, despite your small frame, you pack quite a punch.   
Or, that's what Genma said. I, personally, think he's just weak."  
  
"It's his fault for telling me to punch him!" Sakura complains.  
  
Kakashi sighs. "Sasuke, Naruto. Pay attention now, this involves all of you. We'll be training the basics before any specializations. We will not be furthering your strengths and weaknesses until you all have the basics down. Alright? I expect you to be well-rounded by the time we start anything else."  
  
Sasuke barely has time to say the word 'but' before Kakashi is speaking again.  
  
"No, Sasuke, what you already know are the academy basics. What I'll be teaching you are the shinobi basics. Well, chakra control is _essential_ so we'll tie that down first. Any questions?" Kakashi eye-smiles.  
  
Nobody says anything. It's not that they don't have any questions, it's just that none of those questions were relevant.  
  
"Good! Follow me, then."  
  
  
  
"It's not working," Naruto mumbles, his face against the forest floor. "I'm never gonna get it."  
  
"Naruto, stop complaining. You always get things, just try a little harder," Sasuke tells him, sitting down next to the blond with their food. "Now, get up and eat."  
  
Naruto groans. "I hate you."  
  
"Sure."  
  
"I do!"  
  
"Mhm."  
  
"Sasuke!"  
  
"You love me."  
  
"How could you tell."  
  
Sakura was sat at the top of a tree with Kakashi, the two of them watching the boys together. Sakura was eating - a full meal, Kakashi told her, because she'd tried to skip lunch entirely.  
  
"Dieting isn't good for a growing shinobi," he'd told her, "it's probably hard not to when you have civilian parents, but you need to eat to provide necessary nutrients and such so you don't black out. I'd rather not have you be hospitalized because of a lack of food."  
  
Grudgingly, she ate everything given to her.  
  
"Boys are weird," Sakura admits, halfway through her meal.  
  
Kakashi turns to look at her. "Oh?"  
  
"Yeah. Sasuke and Naruto are acting like . . . girls."  
  
"Is that a bad thing?"  
  
" . . . not really. It's kind of cute how much they like being around each other. But it's also really weird. As much as they're like girls sometimes, they're kind of like a couple. A weird couple, one of the ones who're always arguing. But, like, loving arguments. Is that weird?"  
  
"Well, if people don't think best friends are actually a couple or vice versa, then you're doing something wrong. Of course, that doesn't mean best friends can't be in a relationship or a couple can't be best friends."  
  
Sakura stares at Kakashi. "You're weird, too. Is it just a boy thing? I should probably ask my mom later. She's not weird. I think my dad might be weird though, 'cause he's a boy."  
  
Kakashi sighs. "It might just be a boy thing. But girls can be weird, too."  
  
Sakura hums, nodding.  
  
The two are silent for a few minutes, still just watching Naruto and Sasuke bicker like an old married couple.  
  
Then Kakashi breaks the silence, "So? Do you think someone would mistake Naruto and Sasuke for a couple?"  
  
Sakura frowns, "No way. Couples are only boys and girls, two guys can't be together, neither can two girls! My mom said so."  
  
Kakashi raises his visible eyebrow, "That's not true. Why did she say that?"  
  
"It isn't?" Sakura looks up at Kakashi, setting her empty bento box beside her.  
  
"No, although, gay couples are more common with shinobi than civilians since they tend to have less time to be self-conscious about their sexualities. If a clan heir or heiress happens to be gay, well, that's why arranged marriage exists."  
  
Sakura's silent for a minute.  
  
"Huh. That's cool. So if you like someone the same gender, what does that mean? And girls can be in a relationship too?"  
  
"It just means you're gay, or, if you're a girl, lesbian. But girls can say they're gay as well. Like how they can say either shinobi or kunoichi."  
  
"Can a kid be gay? Do you think Naruto and Sasuke are gay?"  
  
"Yes, and it's possible. Not for me to tell."  
  
"Huh. But what if you like—"  
  
"Sakura! Can you help us?" Sasuke yells up at Sakura from his spot at the bottom of the tree.  
  
"I'm busy!" Sakura shouts back.  
  
Naruto stands up, "You're just talking to our pervy sensei!"  
  
"It's an important conversation, you shitheads!" Sakura throws the box that previously held her food down at them. It hits Sasuke in the head.  
  
"Sakura, come on! Please?" Naruto was pouting, visible even from the top of the tree.  
  
Sakura groans, dropping down to where the two boys were. She uses chakra to soften the fall like Kakashi taught her while Naruto and Sasuke tried to catch up.  
  
"Fine! Listen close, I'll only explain this once."  
  
Sasuke bows his head in thanks.  
  
"Thank you!" Naruto grins.  
  
"Whatever."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> edited: 11/19/18


	6. Chapter 6

"Sasuke — "   
  
"I said I got it."   
  
"But — "   
  
"Naruto, I got it."   
  
" . . . you're, uh, still upside down."   
  
“ . . . fuck off and help me."   
  
Naruto laughs.   
  
"Naruto . . . "   
  
Naruto, still giggling, walks up the tree carefully and sits on a branch. He reaches over to grab Sasuke's arm and pull him over to sit on the branch with him.   
  
Sasuke angrily grumbles at Naruto, crossing one leg over the other. He looks down at the ground, where Kakashi sat.   
  
"Is it really necessary to learn to walk upside down?"   
  
Kakashi looks at the boys with an eye-smile. "It's necessary that you learn to walk in any and every way, even things like crawling on ceilings and running on water are used by shinobi. We've been training your chakra control for a week, have you still not gotten the hang of it?"   
  
Sasuke groans loudly. "I'd really rather not do this at all," he complains,  _ clearly  _ suffering.   
  
Sakura laughs from another tree, easily walking toward the edge of her branch. Upside down. "Are you really so desperate to prove that you're not good at controlling your chakra, Sasuke?"   
  
Naruto blinks and looks at Sakura. He grins, "That's hilarious, Sakura! You should insult Sasuke more often!"   
  
Sasuke punches Naruto.   
  
Sakura smiles back, "Thanks, Naruto. Hey, Sensei?" She jumps down, softening her landing with ease.   
  
"Hm?"   
  
"It's already dark out, shouldn't we be heading home? My mom's probably going to be mad as it is."   
  
Kakashi looks around himself, "Huh. It does seem to be dark already . . . would you guys like to camp out? Learn to sleep comfortably outside? It's also an important lesson you'll need for most missions."   
  
"Don't we need to pack some things for that?" Sasuke asks, dropping down, albeit less graceful than Sakura.   
  
"Hah, you're right actually. Well, you should all head home for now and pack a bag for a week in the forest. We'll have a training camp. Train during the day and take turns keeping watch at night. I'd need permission from Hokage-sama, so it'll start tomorrow afternoon. You're all dismissed."   
  
Kakashi then leaves.   
  
"How does he just disappear like that, Sasuke? It's so cool! I wanna learn that!"   
  
"Most shinobi know how to. It's not disappearing or anything, it's actually just really really fast movement. It's called a shunshin. Shishui's famous for it, 'cause he's so good at it," Sasuke explains.   
  
"Oh," Naruto nods, "I knew he was awesome. Hey, um, can you do it?"   
  
"Huh? Why?"   
  
"Just wondering! Come on, let's walk Sakura home!"   
  
"What? Why?"   
  
"I don't need you to walk me home!"   
  
Naruto furrows his eyebrows, "But you don't have anyone to walk home with! I don't need to ask you to walk me home 'cause I live with Sasuke, but if you walk home alone someone could hurt you! I always had to ask the teachers to walk home with me when I wasn't staying with Sasuke 'cause when I didn't someone would try to hurt me and I don't like that. So we need to walk you home! You have no choice! Come on!"   
  
Naruto starts walking but his teammates stood still behind him. Naruto stops and looks at them, "What's wrong?"   
  
"Naruto, why does everyone hate you so much? You're so nice," Sakura asks with an almost fake looking pout.

  
"People used to hurt you when you were alone?" Sasuke had the same kicked-puppy expression as Sakura.   
  
Naruto blinks and speaks slowly, "Because of the Kyuubi, y’know. And not usually. Mostly they just tried to but someone else stopped them, but sometimes they managed. But if someone thought I did something wrong, they hurt me. Is that, like . . . bad?"   
  
"Yes!" his teammates shout in sync, both totally pissed off.   
  
" _ Fuck _ civilians! At least the shinobi are nice to you! For fuck's sake, and people say shinobi are heartless! Guess that's the difference between shinobi and civilians. You were a kid — you still are! Do they still ever hurt you?"   
  
Naruto flinches at the shouting. "If I do something bad, yeah, but Sakura — "   
  
"No. Let's walk home, okay? I can stay the night with you guys, right? And I'm sorry for yelling. Come on," Sakura says as she grabs them both by the hand and pulls them toward the Uchiha compound after they both agreed.   
  
"Oh, shit. I need to see if I can call my parents and tell them I'm staying with friends, stay here," Sakura stops them when they reach a library about fifteen minutes away from their destination.   
  
Sasuke sighs when she goes inside, rubbing his wrist. "She's really this strong . . . "   
  
"So is your entire clan," Naruto mumbles, and he doesn't sound put off by her strength at all.   
  
Sasuke sighs again.   
  
The two sit in relative silence for almost twenty minutes — the time it takes for Sakura to come back outside, leaving scared civilians inside the library and a cracked door from where she slammed it shut.   
  
She grabs Sasuke and Naruto again, making them have to run to not fall with how fast she was walking.   
  
"Fucking hate my parents," she says the moment the door to their house shuts.   
  
"They say something?" Sasuke asks as he locks the door.   
  
"We're home! We brought Sakura!" Naruto shouts.   
  
"Welcome back, I'm making tea!" Mikoto, Sasuke's mom, responds.   
  
Sakura sighs, looking around the room. "They . . . I told them I was going to be staying with you guys and th — they —t hey got upset because they didn't want me hanging out with, um, with Naruto — I'm sorry, I'm really sorry they don't like you. They — they're just so heartless! Ugh, sorry for complaining about them. I know it probably sucks for you to hear me complaining about having parents when you . . . "   
  
Naruto blinks and looks at her. "I really don't mind. If they make you feel bad about yourself, that's just as bad as not having parents, isn’t it Sasuke?"   
  
Sasuke flinches, then he nods. "Yeah. But not having parents is probably lonely, especially if everyone wants to avoid you," he glances at Naruto.   
  
Naruto hums.   
  
Sakura frowns. "I still feel bad . . . “   
  
"Sakura, honestly, just complain. Naruto likes hearing about other people's problems. He always wants to try to help."   
  
"Okay . . . oh, where's the bathroom?"   
  
A woman—Mikoto?—enters the room with a few cups of tea. "Ah, it's the door next to the fridge in the kitchen. Are you staying?"   
  
Sakura freezes, "Uh—um! Do you mind if I do?"   
  
"Not at all! You're Sakura, right? You can take a shower if you want. I'll bring some spare clothes." Mikoto smiles, causing Sakura to visibly calm down.   
  
"I—yeah, that's . . . thank you," Sakura smiles back.   
  
"No problem. Go wash your hands and help Itachi cook, boys. Best manners when a guest is over, right?"   
  
Sasuke and Naruto grudgingly drag themselves to the kitchen to do as told. Mikoto runs upstairs. Sakura follows her teammates.   
  
"Who's this?" Itachi asks the moment the door opens.   
  
Sakura bows her head quickly, "Uh! I'm Haruno Sakura, I'm Sasuke and Naruto's new teammate! Nice . . . um, to meet you?"   
  
Itachi glances at the door and smiles. Um? He has the same damn smile as his mom?   
  
Sakura finds herself smiling back without a second thought.   
  
"Nice to meet you, too, Sakura. I am Sasuke's brother, Itachi. You don't have any allergies, do you?"   
  
Sakura blinks. "Almonds, mostly, but all nuts really."   
  
Itachi hums and goes back to cooking. "Naruto, Sasuke, stop standing there and help cook. Sasuke, get some carrots from the fridge and wash them. Naruto, come help me season these."   
  
Sakura zones out staring at the three.   
  
She doesn't notice Mikoto handing her some clothes until she's shoved into the bathroom and told where the towels are.   
  
Sakura can't help but feel jealous when she thinks about how kind Sasuke's mother is. She can only wonder if the rest of his clan is the same.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> edited: 11/19/18


	7. Chapter 7

"You totally fucked that up on purpose!"  
  
Team 7 was really close after Sakura stayed the night with them. They were doing their training camp in the woods that surrounded Konoha.  
  
"Did not!"  
  
"You so did, you piece of shit!"  
  
"Kakashi said to stop—"  
  
"Fine! Then stop falling off of trees on purpose!"  
  
"Fine!"  
  
"Ha! I knew it!"  
  
"Shit."  
  
Sakura smiles, watching the boys bicker. "They're so stupid."  
  
"You really think so?"  
  
Sakura squeals, not expecting someone to just-  
  
Oh.  
  
That's Ino.  
  
"Ino! Wh—what are . . . “ Sakura blinks, "Ino? What the hell are you doing here?"  
  
Ino sighs, sitting down next to Sakura at the bottom of a tree. "We were training nearby and heard a bunch of cussing and yelling, so we got curious. I guess you guys all decided to be good friends, then, yeah?"  
  
"Y—yeah . . . “ Sakura watches the blonde warily.  
  
"So, why'd you cut your hair?"  
  
Sakura's eyes widen. "Oh—uh! I did that a little less than a week ago! I decided I liked short hair better—well, that, and it's more practical for a shinobi. Someone I know told me about something that happened to a girl he met on a mission—she was on the enemy's side and someone on his side took advantage of her long hair. Of course, I could always just put it up but that's too much work, so . . . I cut my hair."  
  
Ino frowns. "Thought you wanted to keep it long for Sasuke, though?"  
  
Sakura shakes her head. "I don't like him like that. I thought I did, but I realized I was just being stupid. I didn't even know him, y'know? So, I'm sorry I guess. For telling you we couldn't be friends when I found out you liked him. I do want to be friends."  
  
Ino grins. "Well! It's good you don't like him and all, but do you like anyone? If we're friends, I'd like to know that much so I can help you."  
  
"I'm not sure." Sakura smiles back. "But I don't think I like guys anyway."  
  
Ino tilts her head curiously, still smiling but softer now. "Oh? You like girls then? But not guys?"  
  
"Yeah."  
  
"Thank god!" Sakura hears Naruto shout. She ignores him.  
  
"That's fine. I'll help you find a cute girl who likes you back, don't even worry about it. Means more guys for the rest of us." Ino winks. Sakura laughs.  
  
"Sakura! Sasuke's being a bitch!"  
  
"I am not!"  
  
"Isn't that normal?" Sakura yells back at Naruto, who laughs and falls into the water.  
  
"Oh! What are you guys doing?" Ino asks, staring at the boys as they continuously fall into the water, although Naruto seemed to have an easier time of it than Sasuke—the poor thing kept trying to use fire chakra in the water—but Naruto couldn't do it right either.  
  
"Hey, Sakura, if you're gay then why'd you keep bothering me about dating you?"  
  
Sakura hums, ignoring Sasuke as well. "Chakra control. We've learned walking, running, and crawling on trees . . . walking and crawling upside down on tree limbs . . . we've also tried on other objects, but we're doing water now. Kakashi's out getting lunch for us since it's the last day of our training camp. I have the best chakra control, so I keep mastering these things before the others. We've been working on it for awhile."  
  
Ino nods.  
  
"That's awesome. We haven't done any of that yet."  
  
"I wonder why," someone, whose voice sounded disappointed and annoyed at the same time, says.  
  
Sakura looks over to see some old guy holding the arms of both Shikamaru and Choji.  
  
Ino jumps up, "Ah! Asuma-sensei! I was just . . . "  
  
"Avoiding training, like the rest of your team?"  
  
"No, not at all! I was just, um, curious about what these guys were doing, is all!"  
  
Asuma sighs and lets go of Shikamaru and Choji.  
  
Shikamaru rubs the back of his neck, "What're those idiots even doing?"  
  
Sakura frowns. "The fuck are you not doing? Oh, that's right, training. Maybe you should do that; try not to be the worst graduating team of this year, yeah?"  
  
Shikamaru's eyes widen. He blinks rapidly. "I—what?"  
  
Asuma doesn't seem bothered by her ("I was at the Hokage's office that one time," would be his excuse if asked). Instead, he sighs, "They're doing exactly what you'd've been doing last week if you hadn't been avoiding me. They're training their chakra control."  
  
"Eh. We already learned tree walking with our parents. Where's Choji?"  
  
  
  
"How are you walking on water?"  
  
Naruto glances to his right, at Choji. "Oh, hey!"  
  
"If you have good enough chakra control, you can walk on almost anything," Sasuke explains, suddenly pushing too much chakra out again and—  
  
Well, all surrounding areas are now covered in water. Including Choji. He didn't seem to mind his bag of chips getting wet, but, well, that's probably because the bag was just finished.  
  
"I think Sasuke's doing it wrong."  
  
  
  
"I can't believe you dragged the other two teams into this," Kakashi gives Team 7 his Disappointed Teacher™ look.  
  
"It's not our fault, sensei!" Sakura complains. Naruto pouted in response to Kakashi.  
  
Sasuke—well . . .  
  
"Fuck!"  
  
He just can't stop pulling at his fire chakra when he starts slipping.  
  
Naruto snorts. "Good job, Sasuke! You're doing _great_!"  
  
"Shut the fuck up, you assbag! My affinity is fire, it's not exactly easy to use something else all of the sudden!"  
  
Naruto beams at Sasuke, "It's not sudden if you've been doing this for—" Naruto screeches, "Sasuke! This is your shirt, y'know! Don't just do that, you asswipe!"  
  
Sakura grins, watching the two again. "I've decided they're totally gay for each other, Ino. Or at least Naruto’s gay for Sasuke."  
  
"Huh?!" Ino blinks, staring at them, then she laughs, "Huh. I guess I can see that happening—Naruto is wearing Sasuke's shirt."  
  
"You fucking asshole! I'll kill you!"  
  
"You've said that for years! You haven’t done it yet!"  
  
She nods to herself, "Just . . . probably not anytime soon. Sasuke’s . . . about as dense as bricks."  
  
Sakura snickers. "I can't argue with that."  
  
Ino smiles. "Oh, hey, you remember all those awful pranks they used to do?"  
  
Sakura groans, "Oh my god, the hair dye one was the worst!"  
  
( _"Help me set up pranks in the classroom."_ _  
_ _  
_ _Sasuke, the poor seven-year-old, was woken up by Naruto. Just so he could ask him to help prank their class._ _  
_ _  
_ _He was not happy._ _  
_ _  
_ _But this offer was worth considering._ _  
_ _  
__  
__  
__"No, no!" Naruto whispers, pushing Sasuke aside to fix the positioning of buckets hanging from the ceiling. "They have to be very carefully placed," he reasoned, "so that when half of the seats are occupied, the food dye will fall on everyone._ _  
_ _  
_ _They weren't stupid, they knew enough to get non-toxic dye that would wash out. Sure it would hurt a little if it got in anyone's eyes, but there wouldn't be any permanent damage to anything. Temporary damage to their clothes and hair, but nobody would get hurt._ _  
_ _  
_ _They had about a dozen buckets of water, as well as an abundance of food colorings. Assorted colors, because dying everyone's hair only one color would be boring. Also, Naruto had a twisted sense of humor._ _  
_ _  
_ _"How cool would it be if Yamanaka Ino's hair was purple and green? She'd throw such a fit over the colors clashing," was his main excuse when Sasuke asked._ _  
_ _  
_ _"I can't believe you're making me do all of the work. Itachi will be disappointed in us for this, I hope you know."_ _  
_ _  
_ _"You aren't doing all the work! Asshole! And Itachi'll love it! I bet if your dad wasn't such a bitch, Itachi would've done pranks as a kid too."_ _  
_ _  
_ _"I doubt it."_ _  
_ _  
_ _"You're you, obviously you doubt it. You're such a downer. Emo boy."_ _  
_ _  
_ _Naruto got a bucket of water poured on him for that comment._ _  
_ _  
_ _It made the cleaning up process slightly harder than it originally was, but Sasuke didn't mind. It pissed off Naruto, so the consequences didn't affect him too much._ _  
_ _  
_ _They added one bucket of paint to put on the ceiling above Iruka's desk and viewed the masterpiece of a prank that it was._ _  
_ _  
_ _This prank would be a good one._ _  
_ _  
__  
__  
__"Iruka-sensei," Sasuke says, causing the red-faced man to look at him. He's about to start lecturing Sasuke as much as Naruto (for the prank they both pulled, thanks), but Sasuke keeps talking, "Iruka-sensei, do you know how much work goes into a good prank?"_ _  
_ _  
_ _Iruka frowns._ _  
_ _  
_ _"A lot. Honestly, doing pranks is a great way to learn shinobi skills in practice rather than in theory. Much better for a tactile learner like Naruto. He learns more while setting up traps and trying to get away with it than he does in the classroom. Did you know he can outrun ANBU? Can hide from them, even? You and I are the only people he can't get away from._ _  
_ _  
_ _I bet Naruto would be the best shinobi—once he's an actual shinobi—for a mission where he has to catch a missing-nin or get away from dangerous situations. I'm not as good as him at getting away, but he can help me with ease, without letting anyone in on our hiding spots._ _  
_ _  
_ _Did you know any of that? I think it's better if you know how each of your students learns, so you can help them more than you currently do. Konoha's shinobi aren't near as abundant as they once were. Don't you think it'd be better to change things?_ _  
_ _  
_ _You could have up to fifty-percent more students who graduate and go on to be the world's best shinobi, instead of placing them in a team where they may just be brought down by their peers, and never have the chance to become real shinobi. Don't you think it'd be a good idea to take all of the people who might've passed a jōnin's exam and put them together instead of just making it so it's everybody or nobody? Also, you should really change your graduating exam. Some of us have too much chakra, or can't use chakra, for the techniques you guys have been trying to force onto us._ _  
_ _  
_ _Besides, it's good for you to always be on your guard. Don't let yourself get rusty, you're achūnin. You should always be on the lookout for intruders and traps, even just subconsciously. It's a good way to help the students do the same thing, as well. You're shinobi, you need to know how to anything your job requires. That's why pranking is essential to the village. It keeps everyone well-practiced in case of emergencies. And, if not, well, it's fun to prank people._ _  
_ _  
_ _Oh, don't think we didn't plan for your attempt at retaliation. We live with shinobi of all ranks who we prank on a daily basis, we're not idiots."_ _  
_ _  
_ _A bucket of bright pink paint falls on Iruka's head._ _  
_ _  
__  
__  
__Itachi stares at Sasuke and Naruto. "You dyed all of your classmates' hair."_ _  
_ _  
_ _Sasuke stares back. "It was non-toxic, non-permanent food dye."_ _  
_ _  
_ _Itachi repeats, "You dyed two dozen kids' hair."_ _  
_ _  
_ _Naruto nods. "Yeah, but it looks cool."_ _  
_ _  
_ _Itachi sits down on a table in the classroom, angry kids and parents all around them. "You dyed their hair."_ _  
_ _  
_ _Sasuke nods. "And I lectured my teacher on why I think pranking is essential to the shinobi environment."_ _  
_ _  
_ _Itachi sighs. "You lectured your teacher?"_ _  
_ _  
_ _Sasuke grins. "Yup."_ _  
_ _  
_ _"Dad's going to kill you."_ _  
_ _  
_ _"Not if we prank him first."_ _  
_ _  
_ _"That will make him more likely to kill you."_ _  
_ _  
_ _"Nah."_ _  
_ _  
__  
__  
__"My son just got his Sharingan," one of the officers at the Konoha police department complains._ _  
_ _  
_ _Fugaku raises an eyebrow. "You seem upset. How'd he get it?"_ _  
_ _  
_ _"He stepped on a fucking ant. He lost it and started crying, when I went to see what happened, he had his first tomoe—a bit dull, but a tomoe in one eye. Kid's dad's an Aburame, so it's expected for him to like insects, but imagine how ridiculous I felt when I realized he had the Sharingan. From an ant," she sighs, stirring her coffee._ _  
_ _  
_ _"If it helps, mine got his Sharingan from a nightmare. A nightmare. Can you even believe it? He was four, and he got his Sharingan from a nightmare. Ridiculous. He still won't tell us what happened in the nightmare, which is . . . slightly worrying, but he seems fine."_ _  
_ _  
_ _Mei, the one with the Aburame kid, snorts, "Yeah, because us Uchiha are so great at knowing when our kids are fine."_ _  
_ _  
_ _A few others at the table crack smiles, each of them piping up to tell ridiculous ways their kids or someone they knew got their Sharingan._ _  
_ _  
_ _Fugaku sighs, halfway through the storytelling. "We're supposed to be a prestigious clan. And now, after the wars are all done, now our kids are out getting their Sharingan from a broken plate, nightmares, insects dying, and a board game not going their way."_ _  
_ _  
_ _"Oh, how the mighty have fallen," someone in the group remarks sarcastically._ _  
_ _  
_ _Fugaku couldn't agree more. He's been forced by his youngest child to socialize with non-Uchiha and form alliances._ _  
_ _  
_ _Like Sasuke knows anything about clan politics._ ) _  
_  
Ino grimaces. "Oh god, that was awful, but not the worst."  
  
Sakura crosses her arms. "My hair was purple and clashed with everything I owned for a week! How was it not the worst?"  
  
"Remember the one with the frogs?"  
  
Sakura pales.  
 _  
_( _"Sasuke, wait, that mark doesn't go there."_ _  
_ _  
_ _"What?"_ _  
_ _  
_ _"If you put that one where you're trying to put it, it'll hurt the frogs when the seal explodes. You have to put it there. Rip up the seal and try again."_ _  
_ _  
_ _Sasuke sighs and does as Naruto said. "I still can't believe you came up with this, do you know how stupid this one is?"_ _  
_ _  
_ _"It's not that bad! It doesn't hurt anyone, not even the frogs! And anyway, it's just really annoying for everyone to have to clean it up. Nothing messy, even, just animals running around freely," Naruto claims._ _  
_ _  
_ _"You're insane."_ _  
_ _  
_ _"I pride myself on that fact."_ _  
_ _  
_ _"Of course you do."_ _  
_ _  
__  
__  
__Ino screeches. "There's a frog in my hair! Get it out, get it out!"_ _  
_ _  
_ _Well, if someone said things like that weren't happening all around the academy (one seal of frogs in every classroom!), they'd be lying._ _  
_ _  
_ _There was screaming and crying from the academy, so loud that the Hokage could hear it from his office. He, of course, sends somechūnin from the missions desk to check it out._ _  
_ _  
_ _They come back with pained expressions on their pale faces._ _  
_ _  
_ _Hiruzen sighs, "Did Naruto and Sasuke do another prank on the Academy?"_ _  
_ _  
_ _"Frogs. There are dozens of frogs in every classroom. They—they stored them in seals that activated all at the same time. Probably timed storage seals or something."_ _  
_ _  
_ _Hiruzen raises an eyebrow. "Oh? Timed storage seals? Why don't you think they've just made paper bombs and stored the frogs in them?"_ _  
_ _  
_ _"No frogs were harmed, sir. I doubt they could've made bombs that wouldn't hurt the frogs."_ _  
_ _  
_ _Hiruzen sighs again. "Well, that'll be a pain to clean up, won't it? We'll have Naruto and Sasuke clean everything themselves."_ _  
_ _  
_ _"A—about that, sir..."_ _  
_ _  
_ _He hums, glancing at thechūnin._ _  
_ _  
_ _"We can't find the two."_ _  
_ _  
_ _"Of course . . .not even Iruka or Itachi?"_ _  
_ _  
_ _"Itachi's still on his mission, and Iruka said he looked everywhere."_ _  
_ _  
_ _"Check the academy walls."_ _  
_ _  
_ _"Excuse me?"_ _  
_ _  
_ _"I said check the academy walls, they've been practicing their stealth, it's likely they'll use proper shinobi tactics for hiding."_ _  
_ _  
_ _"Alright, we'll do so immediately."_ _  
_ _  
_ _Thechūnin shunshin away, leaving Sarutobi to smoke and rub his forehead. "God, I have an awful headache already . . . "_ ) _  
_  
Sakura nods slowly. "You're right, that one was traumatizing."  
  
"I disagree. The best prank we did, well, it didn't even involve the academy."  
  
Ino squeals, jumping back a foot or so. "What the hell, Sasuke? Don't just pop up out of nowhere!"  
  
Sasuke ignores her as he begins to explain their best prank. Well, _his_ best prank.  
  
( _"What are you doing and why do I feel like you did another prank?"_ _  
_ _  
_ _Sasuke looks up from his scroll to stare at Itachi. "Because you're paranoid. I'm learning a new jutsu."_ _  
_ _  
_ _Itachi frowns. "Are you sure that's all? You didn't do another prank, right?"_ _  
_ _  
_ _Sasuke smirks. "Not on you."_ _  
_ _  
_ _Itachi sighs. "Right . . . Who did you prank, then?"_ _  
_ _  
_ _“ . . . Well, Naruto will enjoy waking up covered in syrup, don't you agree?"_ _  
_ _  
_ _Itachi snorts, walking into the kitchen. "I see. Is this dango?"_ _  
_ _  
_ _"Probably. Mom said a cousin made dango to welcome you home from your mission since it was, you know, two months long."_ _  
_ _  
_ _The two are silent for a minute before Itachi storms into the living room, clearly upset. "I can't believe you!"_ _  
_ _  
_ _Sasuke smiles in the most innocent way possible for him, a child. "I don't know what you mean, aniki."_ _  
_ _  
_ _"You—those are frozen cotton balls covered in glaze! What the hell, Sasuke?"_ _  
_ _  
_ _"Oh, were they?" Sasuke blinks, holding back laughter. "Interesting. I guess we'll have to talk to our cousin about that."_ _  
_ _  
_ _Itachi sighs, stomping back into the kitchen. "I'm making tea, stop pranking my food!"_ _  
_ _  
_ _Sasuke doesn't say anything._ _  
_ _  
_ _Itachi comes back in a few minutes later, clearly offended. "You switched the salt and sugar, too? Are you serious?"_ _  
_ _  
_ _Sasuke snorts. "We'll have to tell the world what to do to get you actually use emotion. Just replace your sweets with . . . not sweet things. Like salt and cotton balls."_ _  
_ _  
_ _"I hope you know I hate you."_ _  
_ _  
_ _"You love me."_ _  
_ _  
_ _Itachi reenters the kitchen, going through everything to make sure nothing was misplaced or, well, the wrong object. He doesn't find anything other than the switched salt and sugar._ _  
_ _  
_ _Then Naruto slams a door upstairs. "Sasuke, I'm gonna kill you after I'm done showering!"_ _  
_ _  
_ _"Have fun trying!"_ _  
_ _  
_ _Itachi stares at his brother, "You're heartless, aren't you?"_ _  
_ _  
_ _Sasuke grins, "I haven't a clue what you could possibly mean by that."_ _  
_ _  
_ _Itachi walks back into the kitchen with a pout._ )  
  
Sakura stares, horrified, at the two. "You guys are heartless."  
  
Naruto beams at her. "We're not heartless, our pranks are."  
  
"Oh my god."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> edited: 11/19/18


	8. Chapter 8

"Sasuke here at point B."  
  
"Sakura here at point C."  
  
Silence.  
  
"Naruto here. I'm at point A."  
  
"You're slow, Naruto!"  
  
"Okay, Team 7 . . . hm? Target has moved! Follow it!"  
  
More relative silence as Sasuke, Sakura, and Naruto peek their heads out from behind trees—well, Naruto is standing in a tree, but same difference.  
  
They move.  
  
"What's your distance from the target?"  
  
"Five meters, I can go at any time!"  
  
"I'm ready, too."  
  
"Me, too . . . “  
  
"Okay. Do it!"  
  
They move again, this time with purpose.  
  
Naruto grabs the cat, who hisses and meows and scratches and tries to get away. "I got her! Shi—!"  
  
Naruto throws the cat at Sasuke in a panic. Sasuke catches her carefully, calming the cat down easily with a few pets and some silence. He sighs.  
  
"How'd you calm the demon cat down . . . “  
  
"I'm nicer to her than the bitch she has for an owner. Also, I love cats."  
  
"Did you just say Sasuke calmed Tora down?"  
  
"He totally did, sensei . . . It's a miracle."  
  
"I don't know, cats are pretty chill whenever Sasuke's around."  
  
"Shut up."  
  
"Nah."  
  
  
  
"No wonder she ran away."  
  
Naruto hums and stays next to the Daimyo's wife for an extra moment after returning Tora. He stares a hole into the side of her head, not that she seems to notice him at all.  
  
"You know, giving a cat too much attention is terrifying to them. That's why she keeps running away. 'Cause she doesn't like how affectionate you are with her. So just calm the hell down."  
  
The woman completely ignores him, like he isn't even there, and just continues smothering Tora.  
  
Naruto rolls his eyes and walks over next to Sasuke, "Ungrateful fucking rich bitch. Giving her perfectly perfect advice and what does she do? She ignores me. How _kind_ of her."  
  
Sakura chokes back laughter, trying to maintain a serious disposition around the client. Sasuke smirks at Naruto, not even bothering to hide it.  
  
"Now, then." The sandaime picks up his list of D-rank missions. "The list of available missions for Team Kakashi . . . An errand to the neighboring town, babysitting the Daimyo's boy, helping dig for potatoes, hm . . . "  
  
Naruto shouts, loud and clear, "No way! No, thank you! I'd like to do something more exciting! Can't you—can't you just give us something that isn't a glorified _chore_?"  
  
Sasuke hums in agreement and Sakura nods. Kakashi nearly drops his book from the sudden yelling.  
  
Then he just looks entirely too worn out for someone who's had a good day.  
  
Iruka stands and leans over the desk, starting to yell at Naruto about rookies and ladders or something. Naruto yells back. Kakashi pushes his head down, and Naruto almost falls, but he's come to expect things like that by then.  
  
The Hokage starts explaining mission types in a patronizing tone. The daimyo's wife hands a guy with some weird hat and glasses a bunch of money.  
  
When the Hokage finally looks back at Naruto, he's sat on the ground, facing away from him and talking about lunch.  
  
"Listen!" The Hokage yells, exasperated.  
  
"Why should I? All you ever do is lecture me! I'm a good shinobi, y'know! You guys underestimate me too much, I'm gonna be stealing that hat with Sakura one day, Jiji, and you're gonna feel bad for never taking us seriously!"  
  
Iruka almost snorts behind his stack of papers. The sandaime sighs.  
  
Then he sighs a second time when Naruto begins pouting. He glances at Kakashi, "Kakashi, what do you think?"  
  
Kakashi eyes his kids and cringes. "They're definitely ready for it . . . " Though he doesn't sound too happy about that.  
  
"Alright, fine." Everyone perks up. "If you insist. I'll have you do a C-rank. You'll be bodyguards for someone."  
  
Naruto jumps up, grinning. "Yes! Sasuke, did you hear that?! He caved! He caved!"  
  
Sasuke smiles, rolling his eyes. "I think you're too excited."  
  
Sakura laughs. Naruto shakes his head, "No way! I think you're just not excited enough!" He gasps. "Oh, right! Who are we gonna guard?"  
  
"I'll introduce you now. Would you please come in . . . ?" The old man looks toward a door.  
  
The door slowly opens, and some guy almost as old as Hiruzen walks out—clearly drunk, but is that important?  
  
(Probably, but don't dwell on it.)  
  
"Whassis? 's just a bunch of damn kids." He takes a drink from his bottle, "Uh, 'specially the small one with the stupid face . . . you even a real shinobi?"  
  
Naruto frowns. "I don't have a stupid face, asshole!"  
  
Kakashi grabs Naruto's shoulder, "Don't insult a client directly to their face."  
  
"Tell him not to insult his guard directly to his face! For all he knows, I could sabotage my own mission and just feed him to the dogs!" Naruto yells.  
  
Sasuke frowns, "How would you get paid?"  
  
"Take the money from, uh, from his corpse!"  
  
"What dogs?"  
  
"Uh . . . sensei's, maybe? No, no, I wouldn't want them to suffer like that. I love them too much."  
  
Sakura groans. "I'm so sorry about Naruto, sir, he's . . . unnecessarily vulgar, sometimes."  
  
Naruto points at her. "Hypocrite!"  
  
The client stands up straight, acting as if their conversation never happened. Like he wasn't even drunk. "I'm Tazuna, a veteran bridge builder. You'll be risking life and limb in guarding me to the max until I've returned to my land and completed my bridge!"  
  
It was a threat. It was clearly a threat. Naruto starts shouting at the man again.  
  
"Naruto." Kakashi frowns. "Naruto, I'm pretty sure you've never even met my dogs, so stop threatening to feed Tazuna to them."  
  
"Did too! You were at your apartment and Pakkun was bringing a mission scroll to Jiji for you, and he stopped and talked to me! He's adorable."  
  
Kakashi sighs internally (more like eternally).  
  
He could feel a headache coming on.  
  
  
  
"Ah, I'm so excited!"  
  
"Why?"  
  
"You know I've never left the village before, Sasuke. I wonder what it's like in Wave?"  
  
The old man—Tazuna—points at the genin. "Hey, am I really okay with these three?"  
  
Kakashi eye-smiles, "I'm a jōnin. And I'll be watching them, so there's no need to worry. But they're strong enough to handle some bandits, anyway."  
  
Tazuna still looks wary, more than should be necessary.  
  
Naruto frowns and points back at Tazuna. "Don't go mocking shinobi like that! Shinobi are awesome! Sasuke can breathe fire! And Sakura can break almost anything with just a punch! And I'm damn good at fūinjutsu! Kakashi-sensei's lazy and a perv and he's always late but, uh, I'm sure he's super awesome too! Probably!"  
  
Tazuna drinks from his bottle, looking entirely too unimpressed.  
  
"'sides, Sakura’s gonna be Hokage, alright?" Naruto stared confrontationally at the old man.  
  
Tazuna blinks. “A girl can't be somethin’ like that."  
  
Naruto stares at him, face void of emotion. "Wanna fucking bet?"  
  
Tazuna frowns, "Hokage's top dog in your village, right? The leader?" Naruto nods. "Hah, I doubt any o’ you kids'd be able to snatch that title! Especially your girl!"  
  
"Of course we could! Don't you doubt us, you, um, you ancient asshole! You'll have no choice but to acknowledge us when she steals the hat!"  
  
"Pah! Ancient?!" Tazuna scoffs. "I would never acknowledge any of you brats. Not in a billion years."  
  
Naruto scoffs right back. "I'd like to see you try to ignore her when she’s Hokage. Asshole."  
  
Kakashi sighs. "Didn't I already tell you to stop directly insulting a client?"

 

Naruto ignores him.  
  
  
  
Awhile later, Naruto freezes in his steps for a moment, causing Sakura to slam into his back and the few behind them to stop as well.  
  
"Naruto, don't just stop like that! What's wrong?" Sakura asks. Naruto smiles apologetically and continues walking.  
  
"Sorry, sorry! I just thought I saw something weird, it must be my imagination." Naruto looks at Sasuke, then redirects his gaze to Kakashi with an odd looking smile.  
  
Kakashi has no idea what Naruto is trying to say, but he tries for a response anyway, " . . . weirder things happen all the time."  
  
Naruto hums lowly, his smile dropping. He moves to stand next to Sasuke, on the other side of the client. Sakura follows him, standing behind the man.  
  
"Jeez, Naruto, you're moving all over the place today," Sakura complains, with a smile.  
  
Naruto laughs, "Sorry!"  
  
Oh, right, a few minutes later they walk past an oddly placed puddle and a man is thrown at them. Coincidence? I think not.  
  
Kakashi, of course, is wrapped in chains and explodes when the chains squeeze him. (Using the chain with some jutsu, or chakra strings, maybe?)  
  
Sakura nearly screams but reels it in when Naruto just looks annoyed.  
  
The strangers then aim their attack at Naruto.  
  
Well.  
  
Naruto's clone.  
  
When did he replace himself with a water clone?  
  
The real Naruto attacks the men with a wind jutsu from behind, managing to knock one of them out with the force alone. The other was only injured.  
  
Sasuke reacts immediately, throwing shuriken and kunai knives at the remaining shinobi with perfect accuracy. He ends up pinned to a tree with the weapons.  
  
Sakura runs over and punches him right in the chest. His eyes widen, he coughs up some blood, and he passes out.  
  
Kakashi appears then, looking at the men. "Good job kids." He walks over and picks both men up, examines them, then looks at Naruto.  
  
"Ah! Um! I didn't react in time and they scratched my hand, sorry!"  
  
Kakashi hums. "There's poison on these claws. We should probably reopen the wounds and drain the poisoned blood, Naruto. The poison will spread."  
  
Naruto freezes for a second, his eyes going blank. "But the—” Naruto glances at the client and enemy shinobi. “You know . . . it filters that stuff out.  
  
Kakashi pauses in tying up the foreign shinobi and turns his head, confused. The Kyuubi? "Well, anyway, Tazuna-san. We need to speak."  
  
"Chunin from Kirigakure. These guys are shinobi known to be willing to fight no matter what sacrifices need to be made," Kakashi stares at them.  
  
One of the chunin regained consciousness, slowly taking account of his surroundings.  
  
He speaks roughly, "How were you able to detect our movements?"  
  
"I'm pretty sure Naruto noticed just before I did, considering he was in front of me, but there probably shouldn't be puddles of water when it hasn't rained in weeks. Right? Maybe you should've done some research before you attempted your mission."  
  
Tazuna scoffs. "So why'd you leave the children to fight?"  
  
"If I felt like it, I'd have killed these guys on the spot. But I needed to know who their target was, see?" Kakashi stares at Tazuna.  
  
Tazuna, clearly offended, tenses. "Hah!? What's that supposed to mean?"  
  
Kakashi turns around to face him. "I had to know if their target was you or one of us shinobi. We weren't told anything about you being targeted by shinobi. The content of the request was . . . "  
  
And so Kakashi and Tazuna talk and talk for a bit.  
  
Sakura sighs when Kakashi says it was a mission beyond their level. "So this mission's too soon for us. We can give it up and have a more advanced group take it—”

 

“Nah, I think we can do it,” Sasuke says, looking ahead strangely.

 

“Let's get this damn liar back to his village already!"   
  
"But Naru—"   
  
"Sakura, I'm not stupid. I've had worse injuries that resulted in me not even passing out. It's fine, anyway, see? I know how to drain poison properly, I told you I'm not stupid!" Naruto holds his hand up to Sakura’s face for her to see. There’s a spot on his hand where the blood has already begun to dry and the wound has closed.   
  


“Oh. Huh.”

  
Kakashi stares at the hand silently with a contemplative expression, then he sighs. "Okay, then, let's head to Wave. I'm expecting an explanation on the way there, Tazuna-san."   
  
"Right."   
  
And so they set off.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> edited: 11/19/18


	9. Chapter 9

Sasuke walks ahead of everyone else, his stride casual and lazy. Kakashi wonders if he's mocking him, but he sees the tense shoulders and twitchy smile and immediately stops that train of thought.  
  
Was he waiting for something?  
  
Naruto gasps, suddenly, and runs over to a bush. He leans over and comes back out with a rabbit.  
  
A white rabbit, in the middle of summer.  
  
"Look how cute! I wish I had something to feed him," Naruto was saying as Kakashi glanced around the area.  
  
Then Kakashi's panicking and yelling, "Get down everyone!"  
  
And that's the start of a very stressful battle (that the author is very much not writing).  
  
  
  
"So, we all agree that guy totally wasn't a hunter-nin, right?" Naruto asks later that day, his injuries were minor and seemed to heal too fast. Unlike, say, Kakashi, who passed the fuck out from chakra exhaustion the moment Zabuza 'died'.  
  
Sasuke, whose injuries weren't necessarily minor but weren't exactly bad either, scoffs, "Obviously."  
  
Sakura's injuries were almost nonexistent, as she stayed back to protect Tazuna. She nods, "Yeah. There's no way. According to all of the books I've read on shinobi and the hidden villages, the hunter-nin would destroy the body then and there. If they needed evidence, they'd destroy the body but take the head with them. Or something like that. It makes no sense. It's completely illogical and goes against everything I know of."  
  
Naruto hums and rubs his neck.  
  
"Yeah, but, people don't run on logic. We're instinctual beings . . . so are pretty much all animals, actually," Naruto trails off, his face going unnervingly blank.  
  
Sakura looks at Sasuke, who shrugs in response.  
  
"Naruto? You okay?" She asks.  
  
"Did you get hurt and try to hide it?" She continues after a moment.  
  
Naruto blinks back into awareness, smiling at the two. "Nope! I'm fine, I was just thinking!"  
  
"That's not good. We don't want you to damage what little brain you've got."  
  
"Sakura!"  
  
"She's right. It wouldn't do us well to have to find a medic-nin to repair that mush you call a brain."  
  
"'Kashi! That's mean! You're supposed to be unconscious, you ass!"  
  
Sasuke snorts. "He specializes in assholery. It's his best skill."  
  
"Now, that's just cruel, Sasuke. Clearly, my best skill is being cute."  
  
"God, now I know where Pakkun gets it . . . "  
  
"Sakura! Don't be so mean to your sensei!"  
  
"Why not?"  
  
"Because I'm injured! In body and mind, now that you're treating me like this, I guess I'll just have to leave you to fight this S-rank missing-nin by yourselves," Kakashi sniffs.  
  
Naruto throws a pillow at his face.  
  
  
  
That day, probably not even twenty minutes after Kakashi woke up, they meet Tazuna's grandson. Tsunami's son.  
  
Inari.  
  
He was a civilian, couldn't have been older than eight, honestly. He had no right to think he knew anything about—  
  
"Mom, these guys are going to die, they'll die if they keep trying to oppose Gatō," the kid says.  
  
Tsunami would have responded, but he kept going. "They should stop trying to stick their noses in where they don't belong."  
  
Sasuke scoffs, "Kid, honestly. You don't know us. You don't know how strong we are."  
  
"We're shinobi! We'll kick this Gatō dude's a—um, butt!" Naruto shouts enthusiastically.  
  
Inari doesn't look impressed.  
  
"And what? You think being shinobi makes you—makes you some kind of heroes? Heroes don't exist."  
  
"You don't know that." Sakura narrows her eyes at him.  
  
"Of course I do!"  
  
"You're a kid. You don't know shit."  
  
Kakashi sighs, not contributing to the argument other than saying, "Sasuke. Don't swear in front of children."  
  
Inari frowns. "If you don't want to die, I suggest you just go home already."  
  
"If you don't want your family to die, I suggest you stop protesting our being here," Naruto counters easily, his face going back to that eerie blank state it was in earlier.  
  
Inari grinds his teeth and runs out of the room.  
  
Tsunami's eyes widen. "Inari?! Where are you—" She runs after her son.  
  
Tazuna sighs, "Eh, sorry 'bout Inari. He's . . . he's not too into the idea of heroes, anymore."  
  
"Did something happen?" Sakura asks as she sits next to Kakashi on the floor.  
  
Tazuna considers his words for a moment, then shakes his head, "his story to tell."  
  
Naruto resigns himself to dropping onto the floor.  
  
" . . . Naruto, what the fuck?"  
  
"Kids are so exhausting.."  
  
Sasuke hums and joins Naruto in brooding on the ground.  
  
  
  
"So! Today we're training," Kakashi says with an eye-smile.  
  
Nobody responds.  
  
"You're all so boring," he sighs, "and it's offensive. Are all of you sufficient in chakra walking?"  
  
They all say yes in one way or another, some more enthusiastically (Sakura) than others.  
  
"Alright. In that case, I don't know what to teach you that might help with Zabuza . . . most jutsu take several weeks or months to get the hang of."  
  
"Sensei! Just give us, like... Tactical tips and tricks!" Sakura crosses her arms.  
  
She always seems the most bothered about the way he acts, Kakashi thinks with an annoyed stare at the boys. Half the time he feels like they're used to his antics already, which just pisses him off since it means he can't piss them off anymore.  
  
He sighs, "Alright. Escape methods, then."  
  
Sasuke shudders, like even the idea of escape methods is unappealing to him. Or maybe he just doesn't like Kakashi teaching it to him.  
  
  
  
"That was awful."  
  
"It wasn't as bad as it could've been."  
  
"But it was still awful. Kakashi-sensei's ruthless."  
  
Sasuke yawns, "Yeah, a little bit. So, what does Kurama think about Zabuza and Haku?"  
  
Naruto yawns in return, "Mm, don't even get him started. He thinks they're pathetic little liars who don't like killing people. He said—" Naruto yawns again, "he said they were obviously trying to get us away so they didn't have to kill us to finish their mission. I mean, he's right."  
  
Sasuke nods, "Mhm. Yeah."  
  
"I fucking hate you," Naruto complains.  
  
"Why?" Sasuke asks.  
  
"You yawned and now I'm all tired and stuff!"  
  
"That's so not my fault."  
  
"It so is. Kurama, back me up here—what?! That's so mean!"  
  
"Whatever he said, you deserved it."  
  
"Rude!"  
  
  
  
The next morning, after passing out on the ground and waking up several hours later, the two start heading back to the house.  
  
"I wonder what's gonna happen on the bridge next week. Kurama says they'll probably ignore what you're planning to tell them."  
  
"Kurama says a lot of shit. They're desperate enough that they'll listen."  
  
Naruto grins, "Yeah, Kurama's a bitch."  
  
Sasuke snorts, "Honestly."  
  
They walk back to Tazuna's house together in relative silence most of the way.  
  
Then Naruto breaks it.  
  
"Should we tell Sakura and Kakashi about you?" he asks, glancing at Sasuke.  
  
Sasuke shrugs, "I don’t know. Should I? Would they believe me? How d’you think they’d react to the Danzo thing? Should I tell them about _that_? He was a piece of shit, he fucked up the world. He deserved what I did to him.”

  
"Hah, that's an understatement. He did all the bad stuff. We gotta find a way to tell them that wouldn't, like, backfire on you."  
  
"If Sakura knew, she might try harder to someday be Hokage. Gods know she’d be a better Hokage than you were."  
  
"So we're telling them?"  
  
" _I’m_ telling them. Some parts. Probably not everything."  
  
Naruto hums in agreement.  
  
The two are silent again as they enter the house. They greet Tsunami and go upstairs to find the room they'd all been staying in. They sit down together and start working on Sasuke’s plan to tell Kakashi and Sakura. But which part of the story should he tell?  
  
  
  
Later that day, at dinner, Naruto is resting his head on the table, exhausted, while Kakashi speaks with Tazuna and Tsunami.  
  
Then Inari starts crying. "Why do you work so hard that you get like that?! There's no way you'd ever be a match for Gatō's men, even if you train! No matter what cool things you say or how much effort you make . . . the weak always lose out against the truly strong!"  
  
Naruto frowns. "Really." It isn't a question.  
  
"Shut _up_! Just looking at you makes me sick! Sticking your nose in, even though you know nothing of this land! I'm not like you— _you_ , who is always acting frivolous, without knowing a single thing about pain!"  
  
"That's awful assumptive of you. You don't know shit about me, alright kid? You've got no clue what I've been through. And you know what? You don't want to. Maybe if you stop crying all the damn time and listen to people, you'd understand that. Gatō? He's just a civilian. I'm a goddamn shinobi. I know what the hell I'm doing. This guy's like a fucking kitten compared to us. He might have sharp claws and teeth, but we have knives. We have fire. We have poison. Do you even know what shinobi are like? Have you ever had any exposure to the strength of shinobi against the strength of some random civilian? Kid, honestly. You think I don't know pain? That any of us don't? Most shinobi know pain worse than anything you're likely to be exposed to. You think we don't know pain, then you don't know even a little bit about what pain feels like, Inari. So stop your crying and get the fuck over yourself."  
  
Kakashi drops his book. Sakura stares, wide-eyed, at Naruto, "Naru—Naruto . . . “  
  
Sasuke's mostly unmoved. Mostly.  
  
Naruto rolls his eyes and glares at Sakura. "What?"  
  
Sakura frowns. "He's eight."  
  
Naruto scoffs. "And I'm twelve. What's your point?"  
  
Sakura looks around the room in disbelief. "My point? Naruto, what happened to him is a lot for an eight-year-old."  
  
"I went through worse at half his age. Not that you'd even come close to understanding what that's like. You know I was kicked out of the orphanage when I was three? The only reason I'm in a good house now is that Sasuke's mom found out I was living in some cheap apartment in the worst part of town."  
  
"I . . . “  
  
"But before I got that apartment? I was homeless for a few years. I was homeless until a few months before we started going to the academy. I got the apartment with the money I was given to get supplies for the academy. Why do you think I ended up barely passing? I couldn't even buy the basic school supplies I needed until I moved in with Sasuke when we were eight. The teachers who actually bothered to help me with anything were limited to Mizuki and Iruka. Iruka-sensei only helped me the same way he helped everyone else, which isn't saying much. And Mizuki? He taught me the academy katas wrong. On purpose. So don't act like you know. You don't."  
  
Naruto doesn't wait for her to respond, leaving the room instead. Sasuke runs after him.  
  
Inari watches them leave as he sobs. Nobody moves to comfort him.  
  
  
  
When they're finally alone, Sasuke sighs. "Naruto . . . "  
  
Naruto shakes his head and sits down on the grass, "I know. I didn't fucking—I'm sorry. I wasn't thinking and I told everyone shit I didn't want them to know."  
  
Sasuke pushes his arm lightly, "Shut up, it's okay. It's okay. I'm sorry I was such a bitch in my past. I didn't even . . . I didn't even know you until the academy and I should've helped you. I should've. And even in this timeline, you didn't let me get close enough to find out you were even homeless until years after we met."  
  
"But you didn't know, so you couldn't've helped. It's not your fault. I don't blame you," Naruto says quietly.  
  
Sasuke groans, "But I was an asshole when we first met."  
  
Naruto smiles tightly, "Back then you saw your clan massacred by your brother just before we met. You were allowed to be an asshole."  
  
Sasuke frowns, "But you were physically abused and neglected by all of the adults in your life and you weren't an asshole. You were homeless for years and you weren't an asshole."  
  
"I don’t know much about this past you went through . . . but if things were any worse than what you say they were like, I would've turned out just like you. But I wouldn't have hesitated in killing you. Because I wouldn't have even cared. But . . . apparently you're so pure-hearted that you couldn't even kill me when our bond was at its weakest." Naruto laughs humorlessly.  
  
Sasuke groans again and leans his head against Naruto's shoulder, "Naruto. Shut up and just—"  
  
"I was planning on hugging you, my bestest friend! But you're an asshole," Naruto says.  
  
Sasuke sighs. "Naruto, you just said-"  
  
Naruto grins. "Sasuke, I know what I just said."  
  
"Are you actually making fun of yourself? What the hell?"  
  
"Shut up and hug me, dickwad."  
  
"You're too physical."  
  
"Says you.”  
  
"Fuck off."  
  
"Nah."  
  
They talk for hours until they decide to finally go back to the house.  
  
And when they do, Sakura and Kakashi are waiting for them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> edited: 11/19/18


	10. Chapter 10

_"Are you... How does this work, exactly?"_ _  
_ _  
_ _"I, uh, well, basically . . . Okay, so, we put as much chakra as we can into the seal—which I haven't finished yet—and then we use our blood to activate the seal. Uh, it only needs one person's blood, but Kurama said it'd be stronger if everyone using the seal added blood at the same time."_ _  
_ _  
_ _"What does the seal do?"_ _  
_ _  
_ _"Oh, uh! It, like, takes us back, y'know, but only as far back as the added chakra can take us. And, um, we merge with our past selves. It's—it's not really . . . I think it's like, our chakra combines a—and . . . and we have all of our memories. And we have the chakra of our younger selves, but we can still do things we can do now, as long as our bodies and chakra stores allow it, or something. Okay, yeah, probably we just take a back seat to our younger selves . . . I don't know, it's never been used before. I might be wrong . . . "_ _  
_ _  
_ _"Hn."_ _  
_ _  
_ _"Sasuke! Aren't you gonna tell me how cool it is?"_ _  
_ _  
_ _Sasuke raises an eyebrow._ _  
_ _  
_ _Naruto groans, "You're so boring! Alright, alright, so. Are you cool with this? It'll hurt like hell while our chakra is ripping through, y'know, time, but it won't hurt after we get there. I wonder how far back we'll go. Oh, oh! I need to get more ink for the seal! Shit, that's gonna be hard to find with the entire world being . . . “_ _  
_ _  
_ _Naruto trails off, feeling like his heart dropped. He clears his throat, "Um, you wanna help me look? Or we could make our own ink. Maybe just use whatever we can find that I can put a brush in. It doesn't matter! Even mud would work, probably! It's safer to stay here, anyway. We'll put chakra in as we make it, so we add every little bit we need. Alright, let—let's do this."_ _  
_ _  
_ _Sasuke nods._ _  
_ _  
__  
__  
__A couple weeks later, Naruto completes the making of the seal._ _  
_ _  
_ _"When we get there, Sas, we'll need to act how we did at whatever age we were. If we go back to before the Massacre, you'll need to act nice and happy, but still kind of angsty and arrogant. We go to after, then you'll be emo and depressed, but at times you're really hilariously cute. Like—like if you forgot everything, y'know? Anyway! If we . . . it's . . . kind of the exact opposite for me. Before the academy, depressing and scared, but also nice. During or after, a prankster who's nice but also arrogant."_ _  
_ _  
_ _"Hn. And we gradually get to how we are now."_ _  
_ _  
_ _"Eh, not really. If we prevent the Massacre, you'll have to stay at least partially nice. I can move in with you, yeah?"_ _  
_ _  
_ _Sasuke smirks, just barely, "Hn."_ _  
_ _  
_ _"Nice! Alright, before we both fucking die like everyone else did, let's put the last of our chakra that's needed in the seal. Then the blood," Naruto instructs, already pushing Sasuke's hand down so they could both push their chakra into the seal._ _  
_ _  
_ _Several minutes later, when the seal has enough chakra to bring them back safely, Naruto grabs Sasuke's arm. It felt like his... He felt like- like his stomach was being tied in knots and cut into pieces and tied into more knots and..._ _  
_ _  
_ _He sighs, "In case it doesn't work, I love you, 'kay?"_ _  
_ _  
_ _"Yeah. Love you too. Don't you dare not come back to the same time as me."_ _  
_ _  
_ _"Is that possible? Shit, I—"_ _  
_ _  
_ _"I'm kidding, calm down. It'll be fine. Let's just do it. It'll work. Let's just hope we go back to when we were kids instead of being stupid teenagers."_ _  
_ _  
_ _Naruto cringes, laughing humorlessly even as they both cut their fingers at the same time._ _  
_ _  
_ _The seal glows blue and red, the improvised ink slowly disappearing behind the chakra. Naruto holds Sasuke's hand in a death grip as the chakra gets brighter and brighter until eventually, they can't see anything in the cave they'd been settled in._ _  
_ _  
_ _Sasuke hears Naruto gasp in pain just before he can't hear anything, can't see anything because the room is so bright, and all he can feel is—_ _  
_ _  
_ _Well, have you ever had a really nasty, infected cut? Or a really bad hangnail. Imagine that, but all over your body. On the inside, too. That's similar to what Sasuke felt. All of his nerves being burnt and shredded to little microscopic bits. Like someone took a kunai and skinned him. Slowly and thoroughly. Not that he actually knew what that felt like. Probably._ _  
_ _  
_ _It was like when he lost his arm, but much, much worse._ _  
_ _  
_ _And then, he felt nothing at all._ _  
_ _  
__  
__  
__Sasuke wakes up with a gasp, instinctively running to the room across the hall from where he woke up. He slams open the door without even thinking._ _  
_ _  
_ _"Ita—" he interrupts himself with a painful gasp, "Itachi . . . “_ _  
_ _  
_ _The older child stares at Sasuke, half-conscious but just enough to process how upset Sasuke was._ _  
_ _  
_ _Needless to say, Sasuke slept in Itachi's room that night, never once telling what had happened._ _  
_ _  
_ _A worrying thing for the rest of the family, however, was the three tomoe in each eye every time someone startled him or snuck up on him from then on._ _  
_ _  
_ _At least it wasn't the Mangekyou, right?_ _  
_ _  
_ _Well, not yet._ _  
_ _  
__  
__  
___Naruto never arrives.

 

_ (But the bijū and sage summons do.) _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> edited: 11/19/18


	11. Chapter 11

Naruto stares at the two in front of him, uncomfortable.  
  
He and Sasuke got home about a half hour ago, only for Sakura and Kakashi to corner them. And since then, they've sat in silence.   
  
Naruto groans, "Stop staring at me like that! I don't know what you're wanting me to say! Come on, I honestly won't know until you tell me."   
  
Sakura tilts her head. "Are you implying that we're waiting for you to say something?"   
  
Naruto and Sasuke respond 'yeah' simultaneously, the former clearly more irritated than the latter.   
  
"Then talk."   
  
More silence. Then Sakura throws a pillow at Naruto's head.   
  
"Just tell us why you're being so weird! Especially you, Naruto! You've both been acting really different since the second we stepped out of the village gates," she complains.   
  
"Oh, uh, that's . . . Sasuke, help me?"   
  
"What? Why are you pinning this off on me?"   
  
"Because I didn’t do anything? You’re the one who—"   
  
"You know everything though.."   
  
"But, but! You have your Sharingan and you actually went through it so you'll remember better!"   
  
"But nothing! In fact, with what we're telling them? It's completely your fault."   
  
"My fault? We're saving the world! And it technically wasn’t me!"   
  
"But you should tell them anyway. You gotta learn to discuss important matters with others. Even things you never went through."   
  
"What about you!"   
  
"I already know how to talk to people about important things."   
  
"But—"   
  
"Naruto. I’ll just tell them."   
  
Naruto groans. "Finally.”

“Okay, I’m trying to fix the world. Like, everything I can."  
  
Sakura furrows her eyebrows. "Uh?"   
  
"And to do that, well, okay. I'm just gonna say. Shit, we need privacy seals, don't we—? I already activated them, never mind." Sasuke sighs, heavily. "I should reintroduce myself."   
  
"Why would you need—"   
  
"Uchiha Sasuke, thirty-five years old, ANBU commander, former missing-nin, last Uchiha, also one of the last two human beings in the future. Which, just so you know, is fucking awesome, clearly. Who doesn't love having the fate of the entire world on their hands?"   
  
Naruto grins. "Sasuke, shut up. You aren't allowed to joke about that, I told you."   
  
"You're clearly amused, though."   
  
"Shush."   
  
"Hm, anyway . . . back to my introduction. If it weren't for the whole missing-nin thing, I'd have convinced someone to let me be Hokage with Naruto in the future—he was a terrible Hokage, Sakura should’ve been Hokage. As it was, though, most people just referred to me as a shadow Hokage or something stupid like that."   
  
"Ugh, that sounds weird. That's what Kurama says you-know-who referred to himself as . . . ”   
  
"Yeah, it's disgusting."   
  
Kakashi and Sakura stare at them.

“You’re a  _time-traveler_ __?"  
  
Sasuke clears his throat again and drinks what's left in his water bottle, readying himself for an hour or two of talking, "Anyway. I'll explain the wars to you two—there were two, even though that very much doesn't make sense because of how close together they were and they should've just said it was one war. Alright, I'll start from the beginning . . .   
  
" . . . and we hated each other, I guess . . .   
  
" . . . but when I was seven the first time around, Itachi was ordered by Danzo to kill everyone. I didn't know that until . . .   
  
" . . . they didn't even offer therapy or anything, which I think directly contributes to the rest of my life being shitty . . .   
  
" . . . and that's how the Sandaime died, after that, Naruto ran off with Jiraiya to find Tsunade so she could be the Godaime . . .   
  
" . . . so, I was being trained by Orochimaru, Naruto was off with Jiraiya, and Sakura was being tortured by Tsunade . . .   
  
" . . . and that was how Naruto met his parents. His mom's hair was beautiful, I saw her in a picture, and I'll hurt anyone who says otherwise . . .   
  
" . . . and killing Danzo was so much more trouble than it should've been. We'll discuss what I did with him later . . .   
  
" . . . the only really bad person in the Akatsuki who didn't have good reasons to be where they were was Zetsu, really. He was awful, he was made by a bitch named Kaguya . . .   
  
" . . .she was easily defeated by a stupid jutsu Naruto decided would be fun to create that nobody realized was totally a gay thing until people found out we were getting married . . .   
  
" . . . everyone thought the war was over after three days, but a few months later . . .   
  
" . . . we actually ended up getting married in the time between the two wars. Sakura thought we were complete idiots for getting married as teenagers right after trying to kill each other . . .   
  
" . . . you didn't resign from the Hokage title until a year into the war . . .   
  
" . . . the people that died first were Kiba and Hinata, and that was a few weeks before Naruto's twenty-fourth birthday. Sakura joined them a couple months later, along with Ino and a few thousand others who I didn't know . . .   
  
" . . . you know you didn't even realize you were gay until just before you died? You fucking bitch. Honestly, you can't just drop a bomb like that on your own head and then go off and die . . .   
  
" . . . Shikamaru was the last of the rookie 9 other than future Naruto and I to die, and that was on my thirty-fifth birthday. It was a month before we finished the seal, which Naruto started after Kakashi and Tenten died, the week after Shikamaru . . .   
  
" . . . you smiled right before you died, and told us everything would be okay because it was us and you believed in us . . . it was awful. There was so much blood, Kakashi, and we wanna keep everyone from going through that. Tenten didn't even get a chance to say anything . . . that's part of why we're . . .   
  
" . . .and I just really hope you don't think we're crazy and send us to T &I because if a Yamanaka looks through my brain, they'd need a lot of therapy and probably even hospitalization from the level of trauma."   
  
"Please believe him," Naruto adds after Sasuke's lengthy rambling about their future/past life.   
  
Sakura takes a deep, shaky breath, "Sasuke . . . Naruto . . . "   
  
Kakashi sighs, "This is a very delicate situation, you realize? You just gave enough trustworthy information to fill a small library, and yet, I'm not sure it's safe to inform the Sandaime of any of this."   
  
Naruto snorts, "We aren't telling him. We aren't telling Jiji. If you so much as consider it, I will honestly slap a silencing seal on you."   
  
"I'm offended that you think I'd actually want to tell the Hokage about any of this."   
  
Sasuke hums, adjusting his position uncomfortably, "Is it too unimportant for his sorry ass?"   
  
"Hmm, no, more like it's too important for you to tell anyone outside of our team. Not until we've dealt with Orochimaru and Danzo, at least. They're the most likely to find out and leak it or try to use it to their advantage. Now, tell me everything you've changed since you got here?"   
  
"Orochimaru is trustworthy—I’ll get to that later. Anyway, well, the first thing I did was kill Shimura Danzo . . . "   
  
It's unnecessary to say, honestly, but none of them got any sleep that night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> edited: 11/19/18


	12. Chapter 12

The day after Sasuke revealed everything to Kakashi and Sakura, Kakashi asks Sasuke if he remembered how this mission ended originally.  
  
This brings along a lot of awkward stuttering and cringing.  
  
Sasuke crosses his arms, finally. "I'd rather not talk about it because it was awful and I was unconscious half the time. So Naruto's going to have to tell you."  
  
"Shut up, bastard, you know I wasn’t th—oh, oh jeez, Kurama."  
  
“Exactly.” Sasuke sighs. "We can't account for anything involving either of you. The parts I remember . . . just under a week from now, Naruto trained himself into unconsciousness with the tree walking thing. Because you decided not to teach us that until we were possibly going to be killed."  
  
Naruto glares at Sasuke—it honestly looks more like a pout, but that's not important.  
  
"The next day I found him and we trained our asses off until we pretty much had to carry each other home. He slept in the next morning, and that's when we encountered Zabuza and his apprentice, Haku, again. Haku's the fake hunter-nin from the other day. Anyway, we left him here to sleep in because he was suffering slight chakra exhaustion . . . “  
  
A few minutes later after the explanation of what all happened, because it really wasn’t all that much, Kakashi sighs, "Anyone would blame my mom for being a Nara if they read my mind right now . . . "  
  
Naruto grins.  
  
  
  
"The hell do you mean they're not paying me?"  
  
"Yeah, it'd do all of us a lot of good to just stay around until he gets here with his army in about two hours so we can kill them. In the meantime, that's a really fucking cool sword. What's it called again?"  
  
"Hatake, I'm honestly curious, how the hell did you end up with this kid on your team? Did your kage wanna punish you for something?"  
  
"I wish I knew . . . "  
  
  
  
So, the fight with Gatō goes fine, Zabuza and Haku end up being tentative allies with Team Seven after their predictions were correct and they aided each other in the killing of Gatō’s "army". Naruto and Sasuke talked to Zabuza after, suggested taking all of the man's money and using some of it to help out the village, then they could take the rest for themselves and leave.  
  
Then Team Seven goes back to Tazuna's house, Zabuza having taken their advice eagerly (despite his criminal status, the man really did feel an obligation to make up for trying to kill the one in charge of the town's only hope. This obligation may have been helped along by Haku, not that Zabuza would admit to any of this).  
  
They eat, tend to their minimal injuries, discuss whether Tazuna would need help finishing the bridge, and help set up for a celebration of the town's now-broken chains (they were free, they don't need to be scared of someone coming to take away their freedom again, Kakashi said he'd convince the Hokage to create a long-term mission for a team to make sure nobody else tried to take over, they—)  
  
And finally, when they're back in their own shared room, Team Seven gets the chance to sit down and talk.  
  
"So. You mentioned things went bad about a month from now? The Chūnin Exam?" Kakashi asks.  
  
"Yeah. I'm not sure if anything's changed with Suna due to chakric and spiritual beings somehow still remembering. I don't think time affects them like it does people."  
  
"I see. So, we may or may not be invaded during the Chūnin Exam."  
  
"I genuinely doubt that if he— _they_ come here, it’ll be in a bad way."  
  
Kakashi hums and doesn't say anything more on the subject, instead deciding to turn to face Sakura.  
  
He then looks at Sakura with an eye-smile, "Sakura, good job healing everyone like you did! I'm very proud of you. And Sasuke, I'm proud of you for . . . killing just about all of the enemies yourself. And Naruto, good job on the talk-no-jutsu. You really seem to have the whole convince-enemies-you're-a-friend thing down."  
  
"And we're proud of you, 'Kashi-sensei, for not passing out from chakra exhaustion this time," Naruto grins.  
  
Kakashi sighs, "That never happened. I don't know what you're talking about. Let's get to bed, yes? I'll take first watch."  
  
"No, wait, I want first watch!" Naruto claims.  
  
Kakashi sighs, again, and Naruto gets the first watch.  
  
  
  
Naruto yawns on their way back to Konoha. He trips over a branch instead of jumping over it.  
  
He groans, "For fuck's sake! Why do our shoes have to be open-toed?!"  
  
Sasuke laughs at him. "Want me to carry you?"  
  
"You'd just drop me. Too bad you aren't as strong as Sakura," the orange ninja complains.  
  
Sakura blinks rapidly and stops jumping from tree to tree, thus causing the rest of them to stop, "Strong? Huh? Are you talking about me?"  
  
She was absolutely shocked.  
  
Naruto nods rapidly, "Sure! Do you have any idea how hard you hit me sometimes? If I wasn't me, I probably would've had to go to the hospital."  
  
Sakura frowns. "If you weren't—oh, is the Kyuubi why you always heal so fast?”  
  
"Among other things, yeah. It's also why I have super-stamina and have a hard time controlling my chakra. Did you know the reason I have the weird marks on my cheeks is that I was the child of a jinchuriki? So if I ever have kids—unlikely as that is—they're probably gonna have 'em too," Naruto goes off track, crossing his arms.  
  
Sakura cocks her head in confusion. "Why's it unlikely?"  
  
"I don't think two guys can have children," Naruto says, then continues jumping through the trees. Sasuke follows him immediately, Kakashi waiting until Sakura begins running again to follow.  
  
Sakura resisted the urge to sigh. These boys were going to be the death of her, she could swear.  
  
"We're home! We brought Kakashi-sensei and Sakura!" Naruto yells the moment they get to Sasuke's—and his, but he keeps forgetting that part because it just doesn't seem real—house.  
  
Mikoto walks out of the kitchen, slamming the door behind her, "Itachi was at the mission desk about ten minutes ago. You know what he told me when he got here just now?"  
  
Naruto blinks. Sasuke cringes.  
  
"He said you two were going on and on about meeting Momochi Zabuza. Now, Hatake-san, would you like to tell me whether this is true or false? Did you lead my children and my friends' children into a battle with the Demon of the Hidden Mist?"  
  
Just as Kakashi was about to Get the Hell Out of There™, Naruto groans, "But Mikoto-san! We beat him and convinced him to kill the bad guy who was controlling Wave! And I had a bridge named after me!"  
  
Mikoto thins her lips, staring at Naruto for a moment before sighing, "Did any of you get hurt?"  
  
Naruto grins, "Nope! Kakashi got chakra exhaustion, but other than that we were all fine!"  
  
Mikoto frowns at Naruto, "Hatake-san, who got hurt and how bad was it?"  
  
Kakashi hurries to speak, "Ah, Naruto and Sasuke trained too hard and fell asleep in the forest. They didn't necessarily get hurt, but they did get colds."  
  
"Sensei!" Naruto complains.  
  
"What? Don't lie to women, they can always tell. Especially moms and Yamanakas."  
  
Mikoto hums and grabs the three kids to drag them into a hug. "Welcome home and congratulations on surviving your first C-rank. Well, what rank is it officially . . . A-rank, probably . . . Wait, who all fought?"  
  
"Everyone," Naruto grins.  
  
"Ah . . . alright! All of you go wash up for dinner, I'd like a few of you to help cook," Mikoto stands up straight and walks back toward the kitchen.  
  
"But, I should probably—"  
  
"Save it. Sasuke likes you, and apparently, we pretty much adopt everyone Sasuke likes. Naruto, for example."  
  
Kakashi goes silent, his students laughing at him as he does. They all talk and bicker absently as they do what Mikoto asked. Sakura's lack of attention was due to having been awake for nearly a full day, Kakashi's being that he didn't care. But the other two?  
  
Naruto and Sasuke don't care about any of the conversations, both seeming much more interested in staring at each other anxiously. Finally, Naruto sighs at the dinner table.  
  
"Sakura, hey, you should specialize in medical stuff, instead of just using the basics. You've got awesome chakra control and I think you'd be awesome at it because you're smart and cool."  
  
Sakura blinks, "Wh—that's twice you've complimented me today, are you sick?"  
  
"Nah. Just think you should think about it. Sasuke and I have sh—bad control and we should have someone who's at least, uh, somewhat good at medic stuff. Just in case, y'know?"  
  
"Huh. I was thinking about it already, but thanks for the compliments. Kakashi-sensei mentioned it to me a few days ago."  
  
"Oh, good! When you start studying, you should lecture Jiji on why smoking is so bad! And Shika's sensei! Then tell Konohamaru too, 'cause smoking seems to be a family trait." Naruto pouts at the end.  
  
Sakura raises an eyebrow. "Naruto, lecture them yourself. I'd rather not lecture people I hardly know."  
  
"Aw! That sucks!"  
  
Sasuke rolls his eyes at Naruto, moving his fish to Naruto's plate bit by bit until he has none left.  
  
This raises a few eyebrows.  
  
Sasuke blinks.  
  
Mikoto crosses her arms and stares at her youngest son.  
  
"I don't like fish, stop staring at me like that!"  
  
"I thought you loved fish?"  
  
"Not—no. No. Not ever. It's awful."  
  
"Sasuke, if you don't eat it . . . "  
  
"Too late, Naruto already ate it."  
  
"Na—!" Mikoto sighs.  
  
"What?" Naruto asks with a mouth full of fish.  
  
Sasuke snorts, "You look stupid."  
  
Naruto swallows the food and pokes a finger against Sasuke's chest. "Do not!"  
  
"You do."  
  
"N—you look stupider!"  
  
"It's impossible to look stupider than you."  
  
"Remember Kiba?"  
  
" . . . shit."  
  
"Mhm!"  
  
"Sasuke, how many times do I have to tell you not to curse at the table?"  
  
"Mom and dad do it!"  
  
"Yeah, but you're a kid."  
  
"Shinobi kill people as kids."  
  
"Oh? Have you killed anyone?"  
  
Sasuke pouts and sets his fork down to cross his arms, "Yeah, a dozen or so."  
  
"In real life?"  
  
"Yes."  
  
"Mm. Now, eat your food."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> edited: 11/19/18


	13. Chapter 13

Naruto laughs at Konohamaru. "You know most rocks aren't square, and anyway, nobody would allow some huge rock to sit in the middle of the path. Try a genjutsu or henge. If you have enough chakra control, you could henge into something really small. Like a coin. Or a flower. Or a mouse."  
  
Konohamaru nods eagerly. "I knew you were cool!"  
  
Naruto smiles and nods. "Of course I am! Did you ever doubt it?"  
  
"Well," Sakura speaks gently.  
  
Naruto huffs, crossing his arms. "I didn't ask you, Sakura!"  
  
Naruto blinks, glancing at Konohamaru, who was boasting to Moegi and Udon about how he and Naruto first met again. He moves his eyes to Sakura, who was eavesdropping on the conversation with barely hidden interest. He then looks at a nearby tree, where Sasuke was sharpening his kunai.  
  
Naruto smiles. His friends were all such dorks.  
  
He goes to sit next to Sasuke in the tree. "Hello."  
  
Sasuke hums, looking up from his weapons to see Naruto. The tw sit in silence for a couple minutes, and then Naruto pouts, crossing his arms. "Asshole."  
  
Sasuke blinks rapidly. "Are you—are you referring to Kurama? Or me?"  
  
"Kurama. He just said he wouldn't tell me a super important thing because I called him an asshole earlier. And then he just goes "oh you'll know soon anyway". He's such a bitch," Naruto complains.  
  
Sasuke smirks, "I think you're probably making it worse."  
  
"Oh, yeah, he's cussing up a storm in there, says he'll never give me chakra again," Naruto jokes, rolling his eyes. "He—" Naruto stops, turning to face the village gates, where he could sense some new chakra signatures.  
  
"Ah. Shit, is it really so hard to just say Gaara is in Konoha today? Ugh, I'm gonna go hang out with Konohamaru, Moegi, and Udon. They're nice to me, unlike some people."  
  
  
  
Naruto was sure as hell he must've jinxed himself with those words, there's no other reason this could possibly be happening to him right now.  
  
"So, she isn't your girlfriend?"  
  
Naruto sighs, for the fourth time during their conversation. "For the last time, Konohamaru, no. Sakura is just a friend. Neither of us likes the other like that, anyway."  
  
Konohamaru frowns. "Are you sure?"  
  
"I'm positive. I'd know if I was dating her, trust me. I only like her as a friend."  
  
"But—"  
  
Sakura cracks her knuckles, "I swear to—if you don't shut up I'll fucking—”  
  
Konohamaru, of course, continues talking. "But I don't get it. If she's not your girlfriend, and no other girl is your girlfriend, then how come everyone says you have a girlfriend?"  
  
Naruto blinks. "Wha—? Who's "everyone"?"  
  
"Well, not everyone. Just the ramen shop vendors. They asked me how you were doing, 'cause you haven't gone to get ramen with your girlfriend in a while."  
  
Naruto felt a smirk slowly growing on his face. "They said girlfriend? Are you sure?"  
  
"Oh, no. Naruto, don't start this—"  
  
"Yup. That's what they said."  
  
Naruto snorts once or twice before straight up cackling.  
  
Konohamaru and Sakura stared at him, bemused, for the full minute it takes for Naruto to calm down enough to talk again, "S—Sasuke, Sasuke—they think—they—" Naruto bursts into another fit of giggles.  
  
A small rock flies past Naruto's ear, startling the kids and Sakura. "Shut up!"  
  
Naruto grins, looking behind Sakura. "They—they think you're a girl and we’re dating, Sas!"  
  
Konohamaru blinks.  
  
Sakura blinks.  
  
Udon blinks.  
  
Moegi smiles at Sasuke so wide anyone could easily assume her face was going to rip in half, "So they weren’t even right in saying you were dating someone! I mean, I can see how they'd think he's a girl. He's super pretty. And you guys are super close."  
  
"Oh god."  
  
"You're exactly right, Moegi!"  
  
"Oh my god, Teuchi and Ayame actually think I'm a girl."

  
  
  


"I think I just saw Gaara, run after him! I'll point you in the right direction!" Naruto yells, pointing straight ahead.  
  
Sasuke sighs, but relents.  
  
Everyone stares. Occasionally, someone (clearly a civilian, or they wouldn't have asked, Naruto complains) gets confused and asks why Sasuke's running around with Naruto on his shoulders.  
  
Naruto responds shouting, "Because he's my stupidly weak best friend who needs strength training!"  
  
  
  
"Hello," the redhead—Gaara—says, staring above Sasuke's head at Naruto.  
  
"Hi, Gaara!" Naruto yells back, waving his hands at Temari and Kankuro.  
  
"You are Naruto, correct? And this is—"  
  
"My stupidly weak best friend who needs strength training, double yup!" Naruto grins.  
  
"—Sasuke, then?"  
  
Said Uchiha sighs. "He won't let me put him down. He's mad I didn't carry him home after a mission. Of course, he didn't get mad until a week after the mission ended."  
  
Gaara nods. "That makes sense. Those two are Temari and Kankuro."  
  
'Those two' weren't even looking at them, too busy arguing over what to eat.  
  
Naruto gasps, "Oh! We should get ramen! All four—"  
  
"Five," Sasuke mumbles.  
  
"—five of us!"  
  
  
  
"And Tsunami made a pie! Sasuke hates sweets but it was cherry pie so it was more sour than sweet, kinda."  
  
Gaara nods intently. "Was it a good pie?"  
  
"Yup! It was awesome," Naruto exclaims.  
  
"Interesting."  
  
"Temari, Gaara." Kankuro starts to stand, setting a few bills down on the counter for Ayame to grab. "We need to be heading back to the inn."  
  
"Ah, coming. It was nice seeing you guys, I hope we have more chances to meet before the Chūnin Exam," Gaara nods to Naruto and Sasuke as he pays for his food.  
  
"Yeah! See you later!"  
  
"Bye."  
  
Temari follows Kankuro and Gaara with nothing but a wave in the boys' direction.  
  
Naruto grins after them. "They're so different from how you and the fox say they were like originally, I wonder what happened."  
  
Sasuke nods. "They are. Come on. See you guys tomorrow."  
  
"See you guys later," Naruto says to Teuchi and Ayame as he drops money on the counter and forces Sasuke to carry him home.  
  
Nobody looked at them twice when they got to the compound.  
  
(They did things like this more often than should be considered normal. Then again, this clan did strange things more often than not when in the safety of their gates. For example—)  
  
"I'm only an alcoholic because my Sharingan gives me headaches when I use them sober!" an Uchiha woman cries, snatching a bottle of some kind of alcohol from her father's hands.  
  
"What a lie, you just do it to piss your mother off," the dad responds.  
  
Another woman, identical to the first, nods eagerly. "Exactly!"  
  
"Wha—don't agree with dad! I thought we were supposed to be identical twins!"  
  
"What does that even mean? Obviously, we're twins. Does that make a difference? Dad's clearly smarter than you."  
  
"Our IQs are exactly the same. And it means that being identical should make you agree with everything I say!"  
  
"Sure, if you were right and not being stupid. But he doesn't drink and make silly excuses like "it's because of my eyes". And he's not nearly as dramatic as you, miss "agree with everything I say". Now, shoo, before I start yelling."  
  
The women walk off, one with a smirk and the other with a groan. Their father sighs. He turns away from his children to wave at Sasuke and Naruto.  
  
"Hello random Uchiha," Naruto yells. A few more Uchihas look at him, resulting in him yelling the same thing multiple times, sometimes substituting "random Uchiha" for a name.  
  
Turns out he knows more than half the clan.  
  
Not that it's a surprise.  
  
  
  
"Why is he here?"  
  
"Naruto, don't be rude! Say hi to your sensei, he traveled all this way to speak to you and this is the kind of treatment he receives? I can see why he never comes to our house! Honestly, and you—"  
  
Naruto frowns, not saying a word. If he dared to interrupt Mikoto during one of her rants about manners, well, the rant would more than likely never end.  
  
Sasuke felt the exact same way.  
  
"—now sit down and I'll go make some tea!"  
  
Kakashi stares at Naruto, who is still on Sasuke's shoulders, for a moment before the three of them sit, Naruto ending up on the back of the couch because he didn't want to go back to being short.  
  
Naruto stares back.  
  
"You nominated us for the stupid fucking Chūnin Exam, then?" Sasuke asks, because what else could it be?  
  
"Well, we were going to wait for Sakura to get here, but since you asked so kindly," Kakashi drawls, looking at Sasuke dismissively.  
  
"She'll be here in a few seconds," Naruto says in an easy tone, one that always felt dangerous to those who heard it.  
  
True to his word, the pink-haired kunoichi came stumbling through the door not half a minute later with ink smudged on her hands and arms, her only words to them, "Need to wash the ink off, be patient," the second she glanced at the three.  
  
Kakashi sighs, Sasuke pouts ("it's not a pout," he'd swear), and Naruto moves to sit next to Sasuke rather than above him.  
  
He felt like this conversation would unnerve Sakura, knowing what she did about what would likely happen during the exams—if they hadn't changed enough of the world already at this point.  
  
(It didn't unnerve her, in fact, it only made her bolder and more motivated. Sakura was amazing, even then, Naruto thought. Sasuke agreed.)

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> edited: 11/19/18


	14. Chapter 14

"What the hell do you mean Orochimaru entered their village in the exams?" Sasuke stares at Naruto, voice slightly slurred from having just woken up.  
  
Naruto frowns, "Summons. Specifically, the slug, snake, and toad summons. None of the others that are in use are capable of the whole sage th—"  
  
"Well, that puts an unknown mark on fucking everything now. Tsunade doesn't summon her slugs again until after Orochimaru kills the Sandaime, and the other two summon theirs regularly. Now Orochimaru's a fucking good person, apparently, and we still haven't heard anything about Jiraiya. Tsunade'll punch us straight to fucking Kiri when she finds out."  
  
Naruto shudders at the thought, "I wish I could say you were wrong about that . . . Jiraiya's gonna probably drag me by my damn ear to make sure I'm the one to tell her instead of her slugs."  
  
Sasuke cringes, "They're probably off changing everything and messing up our plans . . . “  
  
"Unless they're doing things that were already in our plans."  
  
"Unlikely. They're a bunch of old people with shit for brains."  
  
Naruto snorts. "Anyway, get dressed and do your stretches and shit. We gotta get our things ready for the Chūnin Exam."  
  
"Ah, that's not until tomorrow, technically we could—"  
  
"Sasuke."  
  
“ . . . fine."  
  
  
  
Sasuke sighs, stretching his arms above his head. "That was easy."  
  
"Yup," Sakura agrees.  
  
Naruto laughs weakly, scratching the marks on his left cheek, "Yup . . . easy."  
  
Sasuke and Sakura look at him, disbelief written across their faces.  
  
Naruto grins. "I didn't answer a single question on that quiz."  
  
Sakura groans, "Really, Naruto? Oh, well, at least that wasn't the point of this part of the exams. Come help me get my stuff for the next five days, I know you guys already did for yourselves—"  
  
"Your stuff's right here, with mine and Sasuke's." Naruto says, pulling three tiny scrolls out of his pocket and passing them out.  
  
She blinks.  
  
"When did you—"  
  
"I tend to leave clones around the village doing chores and shopping and stuff for me. There are some clothes I thought you'd like in there. If you wanted to check 'em out."  
  
"Ah, right, you started using shadow clone. You gonna make an excuse for knowing how?"  
  
"Kakashi-sensei taught you and me during our C-rank, I don't know what you're talking about. Definitely wasn’t Kurama who taught me."  
  
  
  
"That was really uneventful."  
  
"That's only because Orochimaru didn't try to do the thing again, it was still pretty damn eventful!"  
  
"You only say that because of—"  
  
"We're never going to talk about that ever again, Sasuke."  
  
"Weak."  
  
"Asshole."  
  
"Dumbass."  
  
"Bastard."  
  
"Whore."  
  
"Sasuke!"  
  
  
  
Finally, after all the boring things that happened during the first two parts of the Chūnin Exams, they reach the preliminaries.  
  
The matches for these are . . . relatively uneventful, gonna just save you the boredom and tell you the results.  
  
Unnamed Oto shinobi #1 forfeited, claiming injuries (he wasn't wrong to do so, honestly, he had several broken bones as well as a swollen eye he couldn't see out of. Oh, and also, he was needed to even out the matches.)  
  
Match one was between Unnamed Oto shinobi #2 and Lee. Lee won.  
  
Match two was between Shikamaru and Unnamed Oto shinobi #3. Shikamaru won.  
  
Match three was between Sakura and Shino. It was a hard match, but eventually, Sakura won.  
  
Match four was Temari and Zaku. This match was very uneventful, having two shinobi with similar weapons fight, but they tied and both passed onto the third phase after the time limit beat them.  
  
Match five was Neji and Naruto. And, oh god, Neji was fucking beat, shit. Naruto beat so much sense into him, half the crowd had sympathy pain, like, do not fuck with Naruto.  
  
Match six was between Chōji and Gaara. Gaara, of course, won. Chōji was much less injured than Lee ended up the first time around.  
  
Match seven was between Kin and Sasuke. Kin surrendered rather easily after a very short match.  
  
Match eight was Dosu and Ino. Needless to say, probably, Dosu won.  
  
Match nine was Kiba and Tenten, and you already fucking _know_ Tenten won.  
  
Match ten was Hinata and Kankuro. Kankuro won, though not as easily as he'd probably hoped. Hinata’s badass, goddamn.  
  
The ones to pass on are Lee, Shikamaru, Sakura, Temari, Zaku, Naruto, Gaara, Sasuke, Dosu, Tenten, and Kankuro.  
  
The first round matches for the third phase are Kankuro and Dosu, Naruto and Shikamaru, Zaku and Tenten, Temari and Sasuke, Gaara and Sakura. Lee fights the winner of the first match (Kankuro or Dosu).  
  
Now there's a month break and Naruto is fucking anxious as hell thinking about Jiraiya showing up.  
  
Speaking of . . .   
  
  
  
"You idiot!" Jiraiya yells, hitting Naruto on the head with a notebook, causing the blond to nearly fall off of Sasuke's shoulders. Sasuke barely keeps him up.  
  
"Ah, shit! What're you doin' that—oh shit." Naruto stares at his seething sensei silently for a moment.  
  
"Yeah, oh shit! What the hell did you do?!"  
  
"Uh . . . it’s a thing we probably shouldn't talk about in public. Sasuke! To your house!"  
  
Sasuke hums, beginning to walk.  
  
"Follow us, ero-sennin! I'll put up privacy seals and tell you everything when we get there."  
  
"Since when do you know fuinjutsu . . . "  
  
"Shush, that's a part of the conversation we'll be having when we get to our house."  
  
And so it is.  
  
  
  
"Talk before I decide to drag Tsunade by the ear to come talk to you," Jiraiya says, dropping to sit in Sasuke's desk chair loudly.  
  
"That's not fair!" Naruto whines, pressing his chakra into the security seals covering the room.  
  
"Isn't it?"  
  
"It's really not that big of a deal. I time traveled," Sasuke says the second every seal is activated.  
  
"But how?"  
  
"We're not fucking telling anyone how because if we do they'll try to figure it out themselves. Anyway, I'm sure your frogs—"  
  
"Toads."  
  
"—filled you in on everything that actually happened before they died like everything else."  
  
"Shit, you must be almost as old as me now." Jiraiya sighs, earning himself a sock to the face from Sasuke.  
  
“He’s at least ten years younger than current you!" Naruto yells.  
  
"And we've been in children's bodies for almost a decade, so that makes us at least twenty years younger," Sasuke adds.  
  
"Okay, okay! Fine. Just . . . talk me through this. What were your motivations for coming back in time?"  
  
"Everyone else in the world was dead and we wanted to fix things before they happened."  
  
"Okay, who was the last person you remember being alive aside from you before you came back?"  
  
"From our age group, would've been Shikamaru. Well, Naruto too, but he was supposed to come back with me and he didn’t . . . from people in general..."  
  
"Orochimaru."  
  
"Mhm, yeah, them. So if their snakes told them absolutely everything they remembered, they know almost as much as we do."  
  
"Which, honestly, is probably why they became a real leader to their village . . . Also, Kabuto actually passed the chūnin exam several years ago instead of staying in them as a spy."  
  
"Obviously."  
  
"Okay, okay. And . . . do all summons remember?"  
  
"Only sage summons and bijuu. Spiritual and chakric beings, I guess. Summons like Kakashi’s dogs are physical beings that can be summoned with chakra."  
  
"Makes sense, probably. Do you still have all of your shit from before? Like, Sharingan stuff and chakra and—"  
  
"I have up to Mangekyou—no eternal Mangekyou, and no Rinnegan. Physical abilities took some time because I had to relearn them due to our new bodies. Most of my chakra came back, I was, honestly, in a lot of pain for a while because my chakra system had to grow to make up for a lack of space in a very short period of time. Anything else requiring chakra, I can use. The bijuu should all still have their own abilities, too."  
  
"Ah. Mind telling me everything that happened after I died?"  
  
"If you hang out with us a lot for a while so we have an excuse for knowing the jutsus we know."  
  
"Deal."  
  
And so they talked.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> edited: 11/19/18


	15. Chapter 15

Finding Tsunade is a fucking nightmare.  
  
Especially since Naruto and Sasuke aren't receiving any help whatsoever from Jiraiya to find the woman.  
  
It's like one of those D-rank missions that are given only as punishment for insubordination and misconduct (the second more common with genin, the first for anyone, and I do mean anyone).  
  
They manage to spot her within a week, but that's not what's important here.  
  
What's important is that she's a literal child and refuses to listen or cooperate.  
  
"I never said you had to heal anyone or come back to Konoha! You just have to listen to us!"  
  
"She's not going to listen, you know. She's hungover."  
  
"I'm not hungover! I just don't give a shit about whatever it is you have to say to me."  
  
"For fuck's sake, woman, even Orochimaru was more cooperative! And Jiraiya didn't even bother spying on the baths after we told him, he immediately insisted on finding you and we left the next morning!"  
  
"Oh, and how I regret that decision deeply . . . "  
  
"Shut it, perv!"  
  
Naruto bangs his head on a wall, mumbling about stupidity.  
  
"Tsu—what the hell?"  
  
It took another week to get the woman to listen and believe them. Several spars between her and Naruto took place that week, Sasuke refusing to do so.  
  
(It took a spar from Sasuke to get her to agree to listen.)  
  
They're back in Konoha three weeks from the beginning of the month break.  
  
  
  
During those three weeks, Sakura and Kakashi managed to blackmail and bribe five different shinobi to train the girl in one thing or another.  
  
Yuuhi Kurenai was an easy target. All they had to do was say they wouldn't tell teams eight and ten about her relationship with Sarutobi Asuma and she was helping Sakura with speed and genjutsu.  
  
Morino Ibiki was easy, too. They bought him a few meals and he was giving Sakura terrifying ideas for the previously mentioned genjutsus, using his knowledge of the human mind.  
  
Shiranui Genma was . . . much harder to crack. Turns out, the really doesn't like spinach. Tokujō and jōnin have a strong tendency to prank others of the same rank. This alone was not enough to convince him.  
  
They brought him two packs of the best quality senbon Kakashi could find.  
  
Genma was very helpful in Sakura's lessons, at least, with his knowledge of pressure points and all the ways a senbon can kill, incapacitate, and paralyze someone. Both permanent and temporary paralysis, information that Sakura grabbed at with a terrifying amount of interest.  
  
Mitarashi Anko, though Kakashi was hesitant, was convinced with nothing but half a dozen sticks of dango. Sakura's everything hurt as her stamina, aim, and strength was pushed way beyond their limits in successful attempts to better her. Poison was yet another thing Sakura took to nicely, much to Kakashi's horror.  
  
Ebisu was one Sakura didn't understand, at first. He agreed to train her without being blackmailed or bribed or anything. Her chakra levels increased dramatically, and with them, her chakra control. She finally understood Naruto's hatred for the man, if for different reasons.  
  
(Chakra training made even her hurt hurt.  
  
What the hell.)  
  
And finally, Kakashi taught her as many jutsus as she could manage, which was much easier when her chakra levels increased. Despite her capability to use the minimal amount of chakra required for just about anything, it really did help when she managed to do more than she could previously.  
  
But she still hated Ebisu.  
  
  
  
At the end of the fourth week, team seven meets up for ramen.  
  
Sakura almost cried when she realized just how much she missed ramen—"Am I turning into Naruto or something?"  
  
Naruto laughs at this, "Ramen's awesome! It's got meat and veggies and pasta and everything Sasuke bugs me about!"  
  
"Food has chakra in it, even if it isn't much, so something like ramen helps push your chakra levels up to where they should be. Ah, and a big, warm meal after a training session helps build your muscles up," Kakashi says in an attempt to comfort her.  
  
Sasuke only laughs, "Nobody could ever manage the level of obsession with ramen that Naruto's at."  
  
And, at that, the other three seem to nod as one, with Teuchi and Ayame laughing in the background as they serve another customer.  
  
So, basically, the four-week break was so stressful that even Sasuke ate a second bowl of ramen.  
  
He didn't even like ramen all that much.  
  
(That's a lie. He loves ramen. Not that any food would ever beat tomatoes.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> edited: 11/19/18


End file.
